Holmes and away

Sherlock Holmes and Watson go on a trip. After dinner, they go to sleep to set off early the next day for a hike. In the middle of the night Holmes wakes up. He wakes Watson up.

'What do you deduce?' Groggy-eyed Watson replies, 'I see millions of stars, so there must be planets, and life.'

Holmes sighs, 'Watson, someone has stolen our tent.'


Card-iac Arrest

A man goes to the doctor and says, 'Doc, I keep thinking I'm a deck of cards.' The doctor sighs, 'You're not a deck of cards. You're just stressed.'

The man insists, 'But I feel shuffled, cut and dealt every day!'

The doctor leans in and says, 'Then stop playing games with yourself.'

On-Time Train

A man boards a train with a giant suitcase. The conductor asks, 'What's inside?'

Man: A time machine.

Conductor [laughs]: Prove it.

The man opens the case - nothing inside. The conductor scoffs, 'That's empty!' The man nods, 'Exactly! It already left for yesterday.'

Tailpiece

A man goes to the zoo and is surprised to see only one animal there: a dog. Confused, he asks the zookeeper, 'Why is there only a dog in this zoo?'

Zookeeper [shrugs]: Because it's a shih tzu.