Golfing around

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, after an 'afternoon's activity', they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 pm in the hotel room. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside in the garden area and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.

'Where have you been?' demanded his wife when he entered the house. 'Darling,' replied the man, 'I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock.'

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, 'You liar! You've been playing golf!'


Definitely Maybe

An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. 'In English,' he said, 'a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.'

A voice from the back of the room said, 'Yeah, right.'