Going for broke(r)

A stockbroker goes to therapy.

Therapist: What brings you in today?

Broker: I have crippling anxiety. Every time I get excited about a market rally, it crashes. And when I short the market, it soars. My emotions are inverse indicators!


Therapist: Classic case of financial trauma. Let's try exposure therapy. We'll simulate a market scenario.

He pulls out a toy bull and bear.

Therapist: Pretend the bull is the market. What do you feel?

Broker: Greed, euphoria, reckless optimism!

Therapist: And the bear?

Broker: Cold sweats, regret, and flashbacks to 2008.

Therapist: Tell me one thing you truly want.

Broker [sniffling]: I just want to invest in a startup... that doesn't pivot into crypto!

Qualify Your Numbers

An accountant, a lawyer and an economist are asked to solve the same problem: What's 2+2?

The accountant: Easy. It's 4.

The lawyer: It depends on the precedent.

The economist closes the door, pulls the blinds, leans in and whispers: What do you want it to be?

That economist is now head of forecasting at a major hedge fund.