Why India is a nation best served single

At the time newspapers reported Narendra Modi finally acknowledging his wife who promptly went on a pilgrimage, there were images of Robert Vadra accompanying Priyanka Gandhi to the polling booth in delightfully pink trousers. I guess embarrassment is equally distributed across party lines. We have to ultimately accept our spouses, even those who refuse to stay invisible.

To marry or not to marry is a complex issue in the world of politics. In America, to be President, it is important to prove to voters that you are happily married, that you have a wife, child, dog and you regularly go to church. By contrast, France accepts the President’s girlfriend as the First Lady, and when they break up, it has no problem with him waltzing in to State dinners alone. This is yet another difference between conservative new-rich America and modern once-rich Europe.

In India, there is a popular belief that single men/women with no family are bound to serve the nation better than men/women with families. The assumption is that the allure of nepotism and favouritism is greater if one has a spouse and children. The detached ascetic (yogi) is much preferred as a politician to the householder (bhogi), despite the fact that most certified ‘yogis’ fly around in private jets, spew hate in the name of ‘righteousness’ and are not as celibate as they claim.

Yogis are so admired that their followers refuse to believe anything negative that is said about them and will attack anyone who dares accuse their leaders of wrongdoing. It makes political sense then to be more yogi than bhogi. Before Independence, many of our founding fathers either did not get married (Vivekananda), or refused to remarry when they became widowers (Pandit Nehru, Sardar Patel, ‘Rajaji’ Rajagopalachari). Gandhi consciously projected himself as an ascetic despite being a married man and wrote candidly of his many sexual experiments aimed at reinforcing his celibacy. This contributed to his Mahatma status.

One can trace this fascination for the yogi to Christian Jesuit missionaries who devoted their lives to the service of humanity, a model that was much admired by Hindu reformists of the early 20th century, amongst them Chinmaya mission, Ramakrishna mission and even the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh. This Jesuit model was based on an old European tradition of ‘courtly love’ where knights in shining armour devoted their lives to serving a noble lady even though she was often married to another. These men never consummated their love but instead sublimated it into a noble act. Eventually the lady became the ‘Virgin Mother Mary’ and the knight became a monk, devoting his life to her service.

As followers and voters we refuse to give our political leaders their humanity. We glamorize and valorize their single status. We cannot stand the idea of our single leaders marrying (think Atal Bihari Vajpayee, Mamata Banerjee, Naveen Patnaik , Jayalalithaa) or remarrying (think Indira Gandhi). The idea evokes outrage.
It is seen as betrayal to the larger cause. They must stay single, yogi-like , serving the party and the nation. This could be the reason why Narendra Modi denied his marriage for so long, and his party and family repeatedly clarify that the wedding was never consummated. It’s also perhaps why Rahul Gandhi stays unmarried, and has never ever been photographed in recent times with a girlfriend despite being a very eligible bachelor.

Much as Rahul Gandhi may want to project a pure celibate yogic image, and be photographed with his mother in front of the havan-kund while filing nomination papers, they cannot distance themselves from Vadra, who refuses to play the yogi card. Vadra is young and ambitious. He wants to flaunt his well-toned body with his tight T-shirts and pink pants, something Rahul Gandhi would never do despite being known to be a good athlete and scuba diver.

Likewise, Narendra Modi may not want to be associated with wife and family, but that will not stop Jashodaben from fasting and giving up footwear and going on pilgrimages for her husband. The stern yogis will deem this devotion to a political leader. The romantic bhogis will call it love for the husband who never was.