The secret diary of Rahul Gandhi

Late afternoon on December 8…Rahul Gandhi’s control room…the core team is hunched over high speed, flat screen computers…some graduates from Ivy League universities are giving final touches to a 21-page form that all Congress Lok Sabha candidates will have to fill…Rahul’s looking relaxed, happy…his special cell phone rings…

Rahul: Mom, hi

Sonia (sounding shaken): That silly little man- …with that funny moustache…o dear, o dear… Rahul (cheerfully): Who mom? Rajeev Shukla? But why is he bothering you…

S (exasperated): Pay attention…do I ever think of Shukla…the broom guy, that’s who I am talking about

R (puzzled): But he’s come and cleaned everything and left

S: Exactly…you really are slow sometimes…like Robert…the broom guy has cleaned us up

R (still puzzled): Mom, he hasn’t cleaned us up- …he’s cleaned the rooms…as he does…and left…I mean, mom, why are you talking about him?

S (angry): Beta, who are you talking about?

R (hurt): Mom, obviously, our regular jhaduwala… who you talked about

S (angrier): Ahmad was right…gosh…listen, I am talking about the irregular jhaduwala…the little man who defeated Sheilaji

R (even more hurt): Mom, then say so! Kejriwal… oh I see…little man with funny moustache… yeah, what about him?

S (speaking coldly): Do your computer analysts know Kejriwal’s poll symbol is a broom? And do they know he’s trounced us in Delhi? Do you know? I hope you do

R (relaxed): Yeah, kinda heard that on TV…but we aren’t interested in all that stuff…

S (agitated): What?! What?! Beta, you are supposed to be interested in how Congress does in elections… I mean that’s what I told Ahmad and others…even Manmohan is following the results…of course, he has nothing to say…but, o god, what are you doing if not…

R (interrupting): Mom, I told you! I am creating some really funky stuff for Congress…cool forms, colour-coded graphics, totally groovy Power Point presentations…we are thinking of doing 3-D and animation also…mom, that’s really exciting… you’ll love it…animation story on Rae Bareili constituency…then we have…

S (interrupting): These are not for winning elections?!

R (hurt): No! This stuff is to make Congress look cool and modern…mom I told you I will change Congress…and I have!

S (sounding panicky): So, who’s in charge of winning elections?

R (cheerfully): No one, mom…and that’s the coolest thing about Congress now. BJP has Modi but we have the 21-page form! Way cool!