Margin of error: It just doesn't happen with SPG

MUMBAI: You know something of considerable significance is brewing when the otherwise desolate precinct of Mumbai’s business district is buzzing with activity on a wet and windy Sunday evening.

Activity doesn’t even begin describing things, though — for it’s not everyday that hordes of watchful, khaki-clad law enforcers descend on Nariman Point, sirens splitting the somnolent, moisture-laden air.

Then again, it’s not everyday that Mumbai’s business district gets a visit from members of the much-talked-about yet enigmatic Special Protection Group (SPG), that team of crack commandos invested with the protection of the nation’s most powerful politicians.

Sunday evening, the SPG team headed by its cool-headed boss, was making the first of its visits to the venue for prime minister Manmohan Singh’s upcoming visit to Mumbai for Friday’s ET Awards.

And if the drills over the past five days are anything to go by, we at ET learnt one valuable lesson: the term ‘margin of error’ that we bandy around so casually is non-existent in the SPG lexicon. As one member of the SPG pointed out almost self-effacingly, “It comes from training. When you deal with a person no less than the prime minister everyday, you develop the habit of being a perfectionist.”

This was evident in the very first meeting team ET had with the elite group at its headquarters at Delhi over a week ago. They were exceptionally polite, mind you. When we told the SPG that as organisers, ET has followed every diktat down to the last letter, the SPG’s boss smilingly reminded us: “They are not diktats but simple instructions that need to be abided.”

And there have been plenty of these ‘simple instructions’ and ‘little suggestions’. If anyone has a doubt about how well these guys know their job, they only have to ask a hapless member of the TV crew who tried to argue about camera positions. One SPG man suggested that the easiest way to get ‘the best angle’ was to “take the camera a little back. It will give you wider angle at least by five degrees.

Any decent camera can have a zoom to cover 75 feet.” At one instance, when there was some debate as to the distance involved, the SPG man hopped to pinpoint the distance. “It’s six feet. You can measure it,” he said, and much to the amazement of all of us, the distance turned out to be precisely that.

A fairly dry, humourless bunch, with no sense of occasions, you’d say. Nothing could be farther from the truth, we learnt, when discussing the PM’s menu and the precautions to be taken therein. The seriousness that such conversations engender quickly dissipated when an SPG man interrupted us, saying tongue firmly in cheek: “Don’t worry. We always have a victim and we feed him till he turns blue.”

And when someone wondered how the food served at the PM’s dinner would be replenished should it get over, we were helpfully told: “I don’t think refills can be brought in. My suggestion is that ask your guys to eat a little less.”

So the next time you go nudge-nudge-wink-wink about military intelligence, steal a glance over your shoulder. The SPG may have a suggestion or two for you.