A chat between Mukul Roy & Montek Singh Ahluwalia

Montek is looking at a file marked ‘Top Secret’. The first page of the file, stuffed full of excel sheets, reads: “Poverty Estimates under Poverty Lines of Rs 10, Rs 5 and Rs 0 per person per day”. He’s about to call a meeting when his phone rings. Secy says railway minister is on line: Montek: Oh hello, Mr Trivedi, jolly good budget, I’m quite chuffed

Mukul: Arre Montek-da, I am the rail montri! Also, you are saying you are liking that budget, so PM is also still liking that budget...I am telling didi

Montek: Oh dear, no, no...Mr... er...Mr (Montek desperately surfs news channels)...ah, Roy...Mr Roy, I’m really chuffed you have taken over-...damned odd budget by that Trivedi fellow...my greetings to Ms Banerjee by the way...she’s so...um...sharp

Mukul: On TV you are saying if village people can spend more than Rs 22 per day, they are not poor

Montek: Rs 22.43, actually. Mr Roy, that’s the national rural average...let’s not forget that 43 paise extra per day...jolly good spending money

Mukul: Yes, yes...but can you change the line?

Montek: Sorry, what line?

Mukul: Arre baba, poverty line... if village people spending Rs 23 per day not poor, then rail fare has to be very less, you see?

Montek: Not really, let me take you through the statis...

Mukul (interrupting): You know our 3M?

Montek: Is that a Harvard Bchool strategy paper?

Mukul: Na, na...Maa, maati, maanush...3M

Montek: Ah, interesting...commission a multi-volume study on this. I can get it done at Plan Comm

Mukul: Listen, how can maanush leave maati and go see anyone, even his maa, if he’s spending only Rs 23 per day and you say he’s not poor? Trinamul helping poor in Bengal... also in India...but reducing fares more...not possible...even didi says not possible...

Montek: I’m afraid, Mr Roy, the poverty line can’t be changed... but, hang on, Mr Roy, why are you worried...rail travel isn’t essential expenditure-...not as we see it...so you see, you have no problem...the monthly short distance subsidised rail fare can be more than the monthly expenditure defining the poverty line...so what? I mean just because you are not poor, you don’t have to travel by train, eh?

Mukul (angrily): Montek-da, I’m telling you...maanush takes train to see his maa, and train goes over maati...that’s Trinamul...so, I am saying... you change the line

Montek: Ihave an idea...ask Ms Banerjee to make you civil aviation minister...no such problems there

Mukul (sounding excited): Montek-da, dhonnobad, I’m calling didi. See, our party...we only help people

Montek: Goodness! So many to help in civil aviation...Vijay Mallya, for one...poor chap

Mukul: Good, good...Montekda, you call PM and tell him we have made that Trivedi rail montri again...ok?