The untold story of UPSC's 99 percent: Aspirant's heartbreaking post on selling his books for less than Rs 500 to kabadiwala reveals cost of failure

Every year, hundreds of thousands of Indians sit for the civil services examination, widely regarded as one of the world's most gruelling competitive tests. After navigating multiple stages of selection across months, a minuscule fraction secure positions as India's top bureacrats. Their victories dominate newspaper front pages and breakfast table conversations, with fathers reading accounts to their children as inspiration. Yet the narrative that captures national attention deliberately sidelines a much larger reality: the 99 percent who fail, whose years of preparation, sacrifice and emotional toll remain unacknowledged by the same media celebrating the selected few.

One such story belongs to an aspirant who faced a reckoning after three consecutive attempts at the Mains examination in 2023, 2024 and 2025, only to fail to clear the Prelims stage this year for the first time.

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Selling the years: When preparation becomes worthless paper

The aspirant recently placed their study materials on a kabadiwala's weighing scale. The collection included their original NCERTs, Laxmikant's texts and the very first test papers from when preparation had felt like an opening rather than a closing chapter. As each book landed on the pile, the emotional weight became impossible to ignore. That stack, the aspirant reflected, was more than paper: it represented every mock examination written, every Prelims test taken, every analysis sheet compiled at 4 AM, and countless pages of handwritten notes once considered worthwhile.

The contents signified years of effort, answers revised repeatedly in pursuit of incremental gains, and a version of oneself that had been constructed and reconstructed for this single examination. On the scale's opposite side, though invisible, lay an equally tangible cost: a lucrative job offer from 2022 that the aspirant had declined to pursue preparation instead. In the years since, watching others progress in their careers while explaining repeated failure to acquaintances who either mocked or pitied the decision had become routine. The aspirant later reflected that earning half the salary from that foregone position would have brought more contentment than the day the offer letter arrived. Additionally, a four-year relationship had dissolved amid the endless restart cycles, hope and determination wearing down both partners.

When the final book landed, the years and the rebuilt versions of self were reduced to a figure on a scale: Rs 464.

"Kitabo se jo milna tha, woh mila nahi. Fir aur 100-200 jyada kam mile toh kya hi farq padta hai," the aspirant said upon receiving the payment, translating roughly to: what was needed from these books was never obtained, so what difference does another hundred or two make. The amount was subsequently donated at a temple, not in hopes of future success (there would be no next attempt), but as a quiet statement to a higher power that a generous heart remained despite receiving none in return.

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Others recognise the pain

The story resonated deeply within the UPSC community. One user shared their own journey, citing six Mains attempts and one interview without selection. This person had chosen to retain their Maharatna PSU position despite widespread advice from serious aspirants to quit and study full-time, a decision they credited with providing career stability and preventing what they termed "a terrible blunder."

Yet the user acknowledged preparation's unspoken benefits: a working knowledge of national discourse that enhanced both social and professional standing, and an emotional hardening through years of physical and mental exertion that transcended the examination itself. Having witnessed their name appear in Prelims selected lists six times and once in the Mains list, only to see "not found" in the final PDF, they learned to summon strength and resume study immediately after disappointment. "No external influence or person is able to stir your emotions," the user reflected, describing it as attaining a form of nirvana. Now 36, a manager in a public sector undertaking with a family, the user cautioned about the true cost: "The prime years of our 20s will never come back. Failure in UPSC not only takes away our prime years, it also takes away our innocence, our career and in some cases, our confidence."

Another aspirant commented that only those who had lived through the cycle could comprehend the experience, writing simply, "That last line brought tears. Good luck."

A third user proposed a systemic solution, arguing that the government should restrict the number of attempts permitted, similar to the JEE examination model. "Just like JEE, you should be allowed to appear only for a limited period after graduation, say graduation plus two years max," they wrote. "No one should have to suffer through this disease for half a decade."

A final response offered consolation rather than solutions: "It's therapeutic to read this. Good luck with everything. I wish you the best in life. I wish we all gather the courage to step out of this loophole and love life for what it is."