I regret...: Manager discovers office team’s secret group chat without her

A seasoned manager with over a decade of experience has found herself grappling with a crisis of confidence after accidentally coming across her team’s private group chat. While searching an ex-employee’s laptop for a missing file, she stumbled upon a thread where team members were openly venting — including sharing their “unfiltered thoughts” about her — despite maintaining a respectful and cordial demeanor in person.

“I found their secret group chat and read about me,” the manager wrote, adding, “A previous employee resigned and I was using his laptop to find a file that wasn't uploaded on our shared drive. There it was - the secret group chat of everyone in your team without me. Talking and ranting about everything under the sun, but especially about work.”

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Although she acknowledged that employees often discuss their managers behind their backs, the experience left her unsettled. “Normally I do not care. People will always talk about their managers, and I have been a manager over a decade so this is a fact I have long accepted. But out of curiosity - I did see what they were talking about. Suffice to say, I regret ever reading it. They are nice and respectful in person and maintain a good relationship at work, but behind that, their unfiltered thoughts caused me cognitive dissonance.”

The discovery led her to question whether those remarks reflected her team’s true feelings. “At least I expected them to be honest enough to say their sentiments directly. It is painful. Other managers - what do you think?”

How did social media react?

One user advised, “What you read is probably venting. When I managed a team, I kept things friendly but not friends because I knew my team would talk about me behind my back. When I moved on to another position, and some of the former employees whom I had managed had to cover my duties, they later said they understood some of my decisions and wished I had never left. Bottom line, don’t take it personally and keep things professional.”

Another commented, “Misery loves company, be careful of caring what people think of you. However, if there are elements of truth regarding your leadership that are a true revelation, and you want to change, a 180 might be worth the investment.” The OP responded, “This is my approach right now - use the usable feedback as data. I was sad for 5 minutes knowing what they all said, but later on, it was a moment of realisation. I am willing to improve on areas that I can without ego, and that alone makes me good at what I do. I am, in fact, in a leadership position for a reason.”

A third user pointed out, “Those messages were not intended for you to see. Subordinates need to vent, and as a manager, you need to realise that sometimes you’ll be the thing they want to vent most about. Better to ignore that stuff and move on.”

A fourth added, “Every team has them, and people need to vent about work. Don't take it personally and forget you saw it as long as nothing was way out of line.” The OP replied, “This is my perspective too.”