'He doesn't work, just plays video games and hangs out with his girlfriend': Frustrated father seeks advice on unemployed son

A frustrated father has sparked a debate online after sharing his struggle that his 21-year-old son refuses to work, spends most of his time playing video games, and shows little interest in becoming financially independent.

The parent turned to Reddit for advice, explaining that his son hangs out with his girlfriend, despite repeated attempts to encourage him to find a job and prepare for adult life. The post quickly drew responses from people offering everything from tough-love strategies to deeper conversations about motivation, mental health, and family dynamics.

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A Father's Growing Frustration

In his Reddit post, the father explained that he and his wife have tried different approaches over the years but nothing has worked. According to him, gentle encouragement hasn't worked. Neither has getting angry.

He said his son refuses to look for work and even skipped a job interview that had already been arranged for him.

The father wrote: "He doesn't work. He just plays video games and hangs out with his girlfriend all day." Concerned about his son's future, he said he is worried about what will happen when parents are no longer able to provide support.

"Me and my wife will not be around forever."

His latest plan is to stop paying for his son's cellphone service in an effort to encourage more responsibility.

Reddit Users Say the Problem May Not Be the Son Alone

Many commenters argued that the issue extends beyond the 21-year-old's actions. A user pointed out that his mother and girlfriend are also at fault and wrote, "When I try to get tough with him, his mom and girlfriend defend him." Not much you can do if you can't fix this first".

"Had go scroll further then I thought for this comment. OP you won’t get so far without your wife’s support, you need to have her on board," said another.

Several pointed out that if one parent sets expectations while another continually rescues or defends the child, mixed messages can make change difficult. Others suggested that both parents need to agree on a clear plan before expecting any progress.

"What kind of girlfriend wants to date a 21 year old loser who refuses to get a job?," asked another user. "If you set a boundary, you have to follow through," one commenter noted.

A Growing Challenge for Many Families

The father's post resonated with many readers because it reflects a challenge facing households across the country. As housing costs rise and career paths become less predictable, more young adults are living with their parents longer than previous generations.

At the same time, many parents struggle to balance support with accountability. The debate highlighted a difficult question: when does helping become enabling?