Psychology says women who compliment female strangers may be taking a small social risk with a surprisingly big payoff

She sees another woman in an elevator and says, “I love your shoes.” She tells the woman standing ahead of her in a coffee line that her haircut looks amazing. She notices someone's unusual earrings on the train and simply says so, even though they may never meet again. Women who comfortably compliment other women they don't know are doing something that appears almost effortless, but psychology suggests the interaction contains an interesting combination of prosocial behavior, social risk, positive reinforcement and interpersonal connection. Research on compliments has found that people systematically underestimate how good their praise will make another person feel. That means the woman who simply says the nice thing she is thinking may be overcoming a psychological barrier that stops many other people from speaking at all.

Psychology Says We Underestimate the Power of a Compliment

Psychologists Erica Boothby and Vanessa Bohns conducted a series of studies examining what happens when people give compliments. Their findings revealed an intriguing mismatch.

People giving compliments consistently underestimated how positively recipients would feel afterward. They also worried about whether they would deliver the compliment competently. Recipients, however, generally felt better than compliment-givers expected.



Imagine noticing a stranger wearing a beautiful coat. You think, I should tell her. Then another thought arrives: That might be weird. So you say nothing.

Someone who regularly compliments strangers may be more willing to cross this tiny social uncertainty gap: instead of endlessly predicting how the interaction will be received, she says what she genuinely appreciates.

Complimenting a Stranger Is a Small Form of Prosocial Behavior

Boothby and Bohns explicitly describe compliment-giving as a form of prosocial behavior, voluntary behavior intended to benefit another person. Their research suggests that misjudging a compliment's positive effect can actually discourage people from engaging in this small act of kindness.

That makes spontaneous compliments interesting. There is usually little obvious material reward for telling an unknown woman that her hairstyle looks fantastic. You probably won't see her again.

She cannot meaningfully repay you. The interaction may last five seconds. Yet those five seconds can alter another person's emotional experience.

Broader experimental research on prosocial behavior also suggests that doing things for others can promote social connection, reward and meaning for the person performing the behavior.

So a genuine compliment can potentially create a tiny positive exchange for both sides.

Why Most People Hold Back Even When They Think Something Nice

Another team, psychologists Xuan Zhao and Nicholas Epley, investigated precisely this puzzle.

Across nine experiments, they found that people underestimated how positively recipients would respond to compliments while overestimating how uncomfortable recipients would feel. This miscalibration created a psychological barrier to expressing praise. This helps explain a familiar everyday experience.

You notice someone's amazing dress. You genuinely admire it. But instead of saying anything, you start calculating.

Will she think I'm staring?

Will this sound fake?

What if she feels awkward?

The woman who readily compliments strangers may still experience some of that uncertainty. The difference could simply be that it doesn't stop the behavior.

In psychological terms, she is accepting a tiny amount of social risk in exchange for the possibility of a positive interpersonal moment.

Compliments Can Turn Strangers Into Temporary Social Partners

A compliment can also perform another function: it changes the social relationship, however briefly. Before the compliment, two women waiting for coffee are strangers.

“I love your bag.”

“Thank you! I almost didn't buy it.”

Suddenly there is an interaction. No friendship needs to develop for the moment to matter. Research on prosocial behavior suggests that kind acts can strengthen feelings of connection with other people. In an experimental study of adolescents, prosocial behavior was linked to mechanisms including social connection and reduced stress reactivity.

This does not prove that every compliment creates meaningful social bonding. But it illustrates how something as small as praise can break through the anonymity of everyday public life.

The Giver Can Get an Emotional Reward Too

Perhaps the most surprising part of compliment research is that giving praise can feel good.

Boothby and Bohns found that after giving compliments, participants reported being in better moods than they expected. Their research also suggested that once people actually experienced giving a compliment, they became more interested in doing it again. This creates a possible reinforcement loop.

A woman notices something she genuinely likes. She says it aloud. The stranger smiles. That response feels rewarding. The next time she notices something nice, speaking up becomes easier.

What initially required deliberate social courage can gradually become an ordinary interpersonal habit.

Complimenting Other Women Doesn't Automatically Mean High Self-Esteem

This is where popular psychology can easily overreach.

A woman who compliments strangers is not automatically more confident, secure, empathetic or emotionally intelligent than a woman who stays quiet. There are dozens of alternative explanations.

One woman may naturally be more talkative. Another may come from a family where compliments were common. Someone else may have consciously decided to verbalize positive thoughts more often.

Likewise, complimenting another woman's appearance does not prove that the giver is free from social comparison. Humans can experience admiration and comparison simultaneously.

You can think someone's dress looks incredible while also wondering whether it would look good on you.

The psychologically interesting behavior is not the absence of comparison. It is the decision to turn positive observation into positive communication.

Genuine Compliments Work Differently From Flattery

Motivation also matters. A genuine compliment: “Your presentation was really clear”, differs psychologically from praise strategically delivered because someone wants a favor.

Research on compliments treats sincere praise as prosocial behavior, but compliments can obviously also be used instrumentally in social interactions. That distinction is especially relevant when strangers are involved.

When one woman tells another woman she will probably never see again, “That color looks amazing on you,” there may be no obvious future advantage to gain.

Sometimes she simply noticed something good and decided the other person deserved to hear it. And psychology suggests that decision matters more than we tend to assume.

Humans frequently underestimate the emotional impact of small acts of kindness. Compliments provide a particularly elegant example because they cost almost nothing, take seconds to deliver and can still make another person feel noticeably better.

The woman who regularly compliments strangers may not possess some mysterious personality trait.

She may simply have learned an unusually useful social lesson: when you think something genuinely kind about another person, saying it aloud often goes better than your brain predicts.

FAQs

Why do some women easily compliment female strangers?

There is no single personality explanation. Research suggests people generally underestimate how positively compliments will be received, so some women may simply be more willing to act despite the small uncertainty involved in approaching a stranger.

Do compliments from strangers actually make people feel good?

Yes, experimental research found that compliment recipients generally felt more positive than compliment-givers predicted. Givers tended to underestimate their compliment's impact.

Does complimenting other women mean a woman is highly confident?

Not necessarily. Complimenting behavior alone cannot establish self-esteem, confidence or personality. Social habits, upbringing, communication style and context can all influence whether someone expresses praise.