Psychology says people who keep investing in one-sided relationships aren't just unlucky in love: A new study examined the psychology of 'simping'

If you’re on social media, you’ve probably heard someone being called a “simp.” It’s generally used as an insult, directed at a guy who showers a crush with gifts, compliments, and attention without his feelings being reciprocated. Researchers Daniel Ho, Kenneth Tan, Norman P. Li and Lester Sim at Singapore Management University published a study titled, ‘The (Simp)le Truth About Excessive and Obsessive Romantic Behaviors in Men,’ in the Journal of Personality that suggests there may be a real psychological pattern behind this behavior and it has less to do with being "whipped" and more to do with a fear a lot of people don't like to admit to: fear of ending up alone.

How researchers figured out what a "simp" actually is
The team conducted three studies involving a total of 1,199 participants. In the first study, 116 people were asked to list freely traits and behaviors they associated with “simping.” Researchers then compiled those responses to create a list of 11 candidate behaviors, and had a separate group of 299 participants rate how well each one fit the concept. Using a statistical technique called principal components analysis, they reduced it to seven core behaviors that fell into two categories: obsessive tendencies, like idolizing a partner or being unable to let go even without reciprocation, and excessive tendencies, such as overspending, over-flattering, and showing disproportionate affection. Together, these seven items accounted for approximately 58% of the variance in how people describe simping.

The fear that predicted it best

In the second study, 200 men (aged 18–72) were surveyed about their own self-reported simping behaviors and traits such as mate value, physical attractiveness, social status, social dominance, and fear of being single. The results were fairly straightforward: fear of being single emerged as the strongest predictor of simping behavior, even when accounting for personality traits and relationship satisfaction. The things you’d expect to matter most, attractiveness, income prospects, and social status, weren’t strong predictors of who simped and who didn’t.

The wedding experiment
Researchers ran an experiment on 584 single men to see whether fear of being single causes this behavior or is just associated with it. One group was asked to imagine themselves attending a friend's wedding alone, focusing on feelings of exclusion and anxiety about their romantic future. The other half imagined the same wedding but wrote about neutral, comfortable feelings.

Men in the “left out” group reported significantly higher fear of being single later, and also reported more simping tendencies than the control group. But the catch is: the effect was only seen in men with a specific romantic interest in mind. The groups were virtually indistinguishable among men without a current crush, suggesting that the anxiety needs a target before it becomes an over-the-top pursuit.

This isn't a totally new idea
This builds on research by psychologist Stephanie Spielmann and colleagues. Their research, ‘Settling for less out of fear of being single, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, found that people who are more afraid of remaining single are more likely to settle for partners of lower quality and stay in relationships that are not satisfying to them. This new research essentially pushes that notion back further on the timeline, to the pursuit stage, before a relationship even begins.

Where it gets more uncomfortable
The authors of the study also note that simping has real overlap with what psychologists term "unwanted pursuit behavior." This involves things like showing up uninvited, sending unwanted gifts, or repeatedly contacting someone after they've made it clear they're not interested, according to an earlier research, ‘Obsessive relational intrusion: incidence, perceived severity, and coping,’ by William Cupach and Brian Spitzberg, published in Violence and Victims. That’s not to say every guy who texts too much is dangerous, but it’s a reminder that “trying too hard” and boundary-crossing behavior can be closer together than people assume.

A few honest caveats
This is early, preliminary research, not a settled fact about how men’s brains work. All three studies focused exclusively on men, relied on self-reported behavior, and used a hypothetical wedding scenario instead of actual dating situations. The researchers also found no correlation between simping and how attractive or successful men rated themselves, something they flagged as an open question. Nor was it tested whether simping actually helps or hurts someone’s chances at a relationship in the long run.

The takeaway
So the next time you see someone going way out of their way to win over a crush, it might not be about desperation or low self-worth, the way people assume. It could be a very human, if a little misguided, attempt to outrun the fear of loneliness. That doesn’t excuse ignoring someone’s boundaries, but it does make the whole “simp” conversation a little more interesting than a meme.