Why your next close friendship may start with something surprisingly ordinary: Scientists reveal how small everyday interactions can turn casual connections into lasting friendships

Forming a close friendship can be rather mysterious. The two individuals meet, start interacting, realise that they like spending time together, and somehow they form a relationship that actually matters to them.

However, according to friendship researchers, forming close relationships is not such a mysterious process as it seems.

Regular interaction, shared experiences, gestures of trust, as well as requesting a favour from an individual can all help form a friendship. According to Jaimie Krems, who is an associate professor of psychology at UCLA and the director of the university’s Center for Friendship Research, there are some skills in making friends that can be learned.


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According to Krems, in her recent CNN interview, friendship has been given a lot less scientific recognition than it deserved. In particular, according to a survey of more than 30,000 scientific papers, only about 4% were written on friendships, while about 30% were written on romance and marriage.

It is especially relevant in times when the problem of loneliness and lack of connection with others becomes more relevant every day.

Fortunately, some of the ways to make our relationships stronger are very simple and do not involve a lot of effort from us.

Friendship often begins before people realise it

There is a basic premise behind most friendships – people require occasions to meet each other consistently, and there needs to be a certain amount of mutual attraction or interest between them.

This would probably explain the reason why friendships develop among people who keep meeting each other often. The place of work, sports club, classroom, local group or hobby would offer repeated chances for conversation without any of the individuals making an attempt to declare that they are searching for a friendship.

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The aspect of repeated meetings might become especially important for grown-ups. Unlike the case with school or college, adult life might lack a built-in social setting in which people meet daily.

That means friendship can require more deliberate effort.

Finding what researchers sometimes call a “friendship market” can help. These are environments where people regularly meet and are relatively open to forming new relationships. A running group, art class, volunteering project or community activity can provide both the people and the repeated interaction needed for connections to develop.

A change of circumstances may present similar possibilities. Relocation, a new career or a new phase in one’s life can lead to finding people searching for companionship from those who have gone through the same change.

What is vital is that friendship need not arise from an immediate rapport. Sometimes it starts simply with being around the same people often enough for familiarity to develop.

Asking for a favour can make a friendship stronger

One of the more counterintuitive findings discussed in the research is that helping someone can make people feel closer — but so can allowing someone else to help you.

Krems shared with CNN that modern technology has silently taken over the responsibilities that friends used to perform for each other. For example, now we can order food, arrange a ride, get information and do other services all without having to ask anyone else.Asking a friend or acquaintance for a reasonable favour creates a different kind of interaction. The person helping gets an opportunity to contribute, while the person asking signals a degree of trust.

This does not necessarily imply transforming each encounter into an appeal for help. The favour can be a small one; it could be as simple as asking for advice from someone or asking for a recommendation.

The same principle applies to sharing something personal.

According to Alison Nagel, an assistant professor at the University of Virginia and the director of its Connection Project, people who disclose something about themselves become seen as more honest and likeable. "Self-disclosure may also inspire reciprocation," CNN reported her saying.

There are certain limits, though. The process of becoming closer should not involve divulging all personal information straight away. Nagel suggested approaching the issue slowly, within the boundaries of the relationship.

In short, vulnerability should correspond to the existing trust level.

Stop waiting for the perfect time to call

Friendships can also weaken without any dramatic disagreement.

Sometimes life simply becomes busy.

A friend thinks about calling another friend, waits for a free evening, remembers the unanswered messages and eventually decides there is no point calling unless there is enough time for a proper catch-up.

That perfect window may never arrive.

Krems' advice, discussed with CNN, is considerably simpler: call when you think of someone, even if you have only a few minutes.

It’s not just about the duration of the chat; it’s the mere fact that there is contact.

Even a two-minute phone call can say something that a deferred three-hour talk can’t say: the other person was on your mind.

As Krems has also suggested, synchronous communication may have some benefits compared to asynchronous communication because it enables people to respond to each other in real-time, using even laughter and impromptu chats.

This doesn’t mean that texting is meaningless. Texts are useful for communication, especially when it’s difficult to find a common time. However, sometimes a brief phone call helps to establish closer contact.

The same approach works for everyday choices.

For instance, if you need an old recipe from your relatives, then using search engines may be quicker. However, calling the relative who cooked this dish might help to transform a simple task into a means of communication.

Those interactions can seem insignificant individually. Over time, however, they provide opportunities to maintain relationships that might otherwise gradually become distant.

Friendship is also connected to physical health

The importance of friendship goes beyond having people to spend time with.

Research on social connection has linked isolation and loneliness with a range of health outcomes.

In an interview with CNN, the United States' Surgeon General Vivek Murthy explained that loneliness can be defined as a personal feeling of a lack of connectivity with others that is needed. Additionally, he added that loneliness and social isolation have been proven to be a risk factor both physically and mentally.

Krems also mentioned in an interview with CNN that social connection is related to better management of stress and immune functioning. Furthermore, she referred to some studies proving that good social relationships for older people contribute to their lower risk of dementia and other illnesses.

The information above does not imply that friendship can be used instead of proper medical treatment or that a certain quantity of friends will ensure good health. However, social connection is only one of many factors that can impact the well-being of people.

However, the information presented proves that there is reason for considering friendship as something worth caring about.

That may require changing how people think about connection.

There is no requirement for a great deal of dramatic conversation, a weekend getaway, or a lengthy meal together; it could simply be a call during lunch hour, an invitation to participate in an ongoing event, a favour requested at the right time, or just a conversation which has become somewhat deeper than the last one.

In an article published on CNN in 2026, Krems suggested the same simple process: “Think of somebody whom you haven’t spoken with in a while and give them a call.”

The broader lesson from friendship research is not that people need to manufacture relationships. It is that the conditions in which friendships grow can be created deliberately.

Sometimes, getting closer to another person begins with something much less complicated than finding the perfect words. It starts with showing up again.

FAQ

1. What are the facilitators of friendships?

Several research studies cited by scholars studying the psychology of friendship indicate the importance of interaction and attraction.

2. Does it help friendship to request someone?

Yes, it does. A request allows the other person to assist you and creates an impression of reliability and usefulness. According to some studies, there is an opinion that proper self-disclosure may promote reciprocity.

3. Should we prefer a phone call to a message to our friend?

The answer is affirmative since both phone calls and face-to-face interactions allow for a kind of communication that text messaging does not. As Jaimie Krems said to CNN, it could be helpful to make a phone call even with little time rather than postponing the conversation till having enough time for it.

4. Why is friendship important for health?

There are scientific studies indicating that stronger social ties are associated with improved stress management and other factors, whereas loneliness and social isolation are related to various health problems. The connection is complicated and does not mean that it is friendship that defines the state of health.