This disturbing new dating trend is breaking hearts and is far more toxic than you might think

We all have that one friend who seemed to constantly be in a relationship. Not just one or two long-term ones. Hell, not even multiple ones with a few months of singleness in between.

There are people who jump from one relationship immediately into a new one, with about five seconds in between—so little time that there was obviously an overlap. Dating experts call this “monkey-barring,” and it’s actually far more common (and damaging) than you might think.

What is monkey-barring?

'Monkey-barring' or 'monkey-branching' is the act of clinging to one partner while lining up another behind your current flame’s back, reports New York Post. In simple terms, monkey-barring involves staying in a relationship while secretly forming a connection with someone else, with the intention of leaving the current partner once the new one is secured. According to a report in Vice, it is driven by a fear of being alone, not by closure or emotional readiness.


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Monkey-barring often stems from a deep-seated fear of being alone—a desire for love and companionship, but often at the cost of someone else's emotions. It happens when you’re too afraid to let go but are actively moving on.

Monkey-barring or monkey-branching, experts warn, is all about sneakiness and betrayal. “Monkey-barring and polyamory are fundamentally different,” explained Angelika Koch, relationship expert at Taimi, as per Vice.

“Monkey-barring is based on co-dependency and is arguably a form of cheating, while polyamory is based on the ability to love several people in a romantic way at once and isn’t cheating because everyone involved consented,” she said.

“People who do this often lack emotional growth, because they are constantly moving through life in a fear-based manner to avoid the hard work it takes when healing from wounds in a past relationship.”

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“Many people enjoy the thrill of doing this because it provides the security that you won’t be alone,” the love guru said. She stressed that jumping from “one potential partner to the other doesn’t allow you room to truly grow and get to know yourself,” something you need to do before any successful relationship — romantic or platonic.

This isn’t a new concept. In fact, 10 years ago, a Redditor posted about their bad habit of monkey-barring through relationships. They explained that monkey-barring is “where you don’t let go of one [significant other] until you’ve got your hands on the next one (metaphorically).”

Moreover, these individuals rarely take the time to self-reflect and establish independence or identity outside of their romantic relationships.

Of course, this is far different than someone having a one-off experience where they left a relationship and ended up falling for someone new after severing ties with their ex. These situations happen, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for moving on—so long as you aren’t doing so while still in a relationship with or leading on someone else.