Gloria Steinem’s final memoir looks back on feminism, India and a life of change

Gloria Steinem, the pioneering feminist writer and activist, died at 92 just weeks before the publication of her latest memoir, "An Unexpected Life" — a book she wrote without any suggestion that it would be her last.

In the memoir's introduction, Steinem reflected on growing older with a sense of gratitude and optimism, writing: "As I write this, I'm both older than I ever imagined I would become and happier than I ever imagined I could be."

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"I've been rewarded with friends who are my chosen family. I have trusted friends in other countries, and we strive to be safe and free, and share hopes for a peaceful democracy in the world."

Steinem also wrote that she planned to live to 100.

"An Unexpected Life," due to be published Sept. 22, follows her earlier memoirs, including "Revolution from Within" and "Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions." In the new book, Steinem revisits her childhood in Ohio in the 1940s and '50s, when women were largely expected to marry and raise children, before tracing her political awakening, emergence as a leading figure of the second-wave feminist movement and influence on generations of young people — who, she acknowledged, also inspired her.

Among the themes and memories explored in the memoir:

India changed the course of her life

Steinem spent two years in India after college, an experience she said challenged her understanding of the world and left a lasting impression.

"Being in that country shattered Western romantic illusions with little ceremony, but it replaced them with new impressions far more real and less easily forgotten. As I learned once I was there, many Americans seem to have skipped from a sketchy knowledge of ancient India to a misunderstanding of its diversity. The teachings of Gandhi introduced me to nonhierarchical thinking, which I came to learn was the most common way of thinking in much of the rest of the world, too."

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She saw conversation as a form of connection

For Steinem, some of the most meaningful forms of communication happened in informal settings where people could speak openly and on equal terms.

"My favorite model of human communication is sitting with others around a kitchen table or in a living room, anywhere we can gather equally and communicate in person with all five senses: a consciousness-raising group, a rap group, a book club, a quilting bee, or a talking circle. It doesn't matter, as long as it's a place where one can tell the truth, say an 'unsayable' thing, and hear other people say, 'You feel like that? I thought only I felt like that!'"

An icon who knew how to push back

Steinem also recalled an encounter with writer Terry Southern, co-author of the pornographic novel "Candy," that ended with her biting him after he tried to kiss her while restraining her wrists.

"Terry Southern, a popular author and co-author of 'Candy,' a pornographic novel, was very visible on the New York social scene. I didn't know him well, but for some reason we were both awaiting a mutual friend in that friend's office, talking and sitting next to each other on the couch. He reached over, took hold of my wrists so I couldn't move, and tried to kiss me. Without a moment's thought, I bit him on the cheek. If you haven't been trained to submit, you are like a cat; you just respond."

She questioned conventional ideas about men and women

Steinem also revisited the assumptions surrounding gender and relationships, offering a pointed observation about a phrase once commonly used to describe lesbians.

"Other leaps of consciousness have actually been quite funny, like figuring out that despite the term man-hating lesbian - which I hope and believe is long forgotten - it may be the women who live with men who are more likely to hate them."

Some audiences were harder than others

Speaking before audiences dominated by establishment men was particularly difficult for Steinem, she wrote, especially when she was advocating for causes that were unpopular or poorly understood.

"The worst audience for me has always been establishment males, and the worst circumstance has been one in which I have to convince them on behalf of some very important but unpopular issue. In those moments, I feel responsible not only for myself but also for the people who can't be there but should be represented."

She had regrets — but not about having children

Steinem acknowledged that she had regrets about parts of her life, particularly the years she spent conforming to expectations rather than pursuing what she loved.

"Of course, I do have regrets. For one, I spent way too much time doing what was expected of me, and not enough doing what I loved. Given my generation, I also grew up assuming that I would have to marry my identity, not become it. This scary idea caused me to put off marriage and to live a temporary life. Not until my forties did I begin to see that a different kind of life was possible, one in which I wasn't bound to fulfill my husband's dreams and depend on him financially. I learned that the work I loved could also create the future I wanted."

Hope, she believed, was a form of planning

Even late in life, Steinem remained optimistic about the progress achieved through the women's movement.

"People often ask me how I stay hopeful. I always explain that hope is a form of planning. I think about twenty, thirty, even fifty years ago and the leaps of consciousness I've experienced because of the women's movement. Some of what we dreamed of decades ago is now really here."