‘You buy the village back’: Former CEO explains the hidden cost of raising children in Bengaluru, Gurugram and Pune

Raising children has always required time, patience and a strong support system. But as more families build their lives around India's rapidly growing cities, that support system is changing. What once came naturally through neighbours, grandparents and extended communities can now require significant planning and spending. Former CEO Aditya Kulkarni recently took to X to reflect on how urban families are navigating this shift, and why modern parenting can feel unexpectedly heavy despite having more comforts.

‘Modern parenting a well-furnished prison’

Aditya Kulkarni, a former CEO of a company, took to X and described modern parenting in a metro as feeling like a “very well furnished prison.” He acknowledged that the statement may sound dramatic, particularly when describing families with a 3 or 4 BHK home, an EMI, a cook, a car and two incomes. Yet, according to Kulkarni, having these conveniences does not necessarily make parenting feel lighter.

He said that “it still feels heavy”, pointing to the amount of coordination, time and care required to raise children in a city.

When the neighbourhood was part of the support system

Kulkarni contrasted today's urban parenting experience with his own childhood. He recalled growing up in a place where almost every neighbouring family knew his name. If his mother was late, there was often a neighbour who would feed him lunch. Summers were spent at his grandparents' home, and much of this support came without anyone being paid.

He described this informal network as “the village”, saying it was free and available everywhere. According to Kulkarni, many people now in their late 30s and 40s moved to cities such as Bengaluru, Gurugram and Pune for work. While they brought their families and children with them, they also lost that wider community of support.

‘You buy the village back’

Kulkarni's central observation is that the responsibility once shared by an entire community is now often handled by two working adults. He said that “two adults run an operation that a dozen used to share” and that the modern solution is to effectively “buy the village back.” That can mean paying for a nanny, daycare or a school that picks up a child at 7:30 am and drops them home around 3 to 4 pm.

For some families, it can also mean having an additional bedroom for a grandparent or nanny. The result, Kulkarni suggested, is that raising a child in a metro can become more expensive because many forms of care that were once provided informally are now paid services. As he put it, “every hour of care that used to be free is now a line item.”

Why two incomes have become part of the equation

Kulkarni also questioned the assumption that families choose dual incomes simply because they want more money. He said the decision is “not greed”, arguing that for many families, two incomes may be the only way the financial equation works. However, that arrangement comes with its own costs. He pointed to two parents being on 9 pm calls, family time coming under pressure and a mental load that hired help cannot completely absorb.

So while professional childcare can replace some of the practical support once provided by a wider community, it cannot necessarily replace the time and presence of parents.

When one parent pauses their career

Kulkarni identified another option families may consider: one parent stepping away from work. But he argued that this pause usually falls on the mother. According to him, this does not necessarily happen because families consciously sit down and choose it. Instead, several factors can push the decision in the same direction, including the salary gap, maternity leave and the many weekly moments when someone has to handle responsibilities such as picking up a child.

Kulkarni described this as “a default the city hands them”, rather than a straightforward choice made by families.

The cost of grandparents moving in

There is another arrangement that can provide families with childcare support: grandparents moving in. But Kulkarni pointed out that this too can involve a sacrifice. He described a situation where two 68-year-old grandparents may give up their friends, evening walks and their own city to move into another city and provide childcare. In his view, this can effectively turn grandparents into “free labour” in a city they did not choose for themselves.

The arrangement may provide valuable support to a young family, but Kulkarni's point is that it can also shift the burden elsewhere within the family.

‘Every version costs someone’

Kulkarni ultimately framed urban parenting as a series of trade-offs rather than a problem with one simple solution. Whether families rely on paid childcare, maintain two incomes, have one parent pause their career or ask grandparents to move in, he argued that “every version costs someone.” That cost could involve money, a career, parental presence or a parent's retirement.

He said there is “no configuration where nobody pays”, adding that families simply get to decide who bears the cost.

Why city families need more support

Kulkarni concluded his post by describing families raising children in cities as one of the “most under-served segments of society.” His argument is not that urban families lack comforts. Instead, he pointed to the gap between having material conveniences and having the kind of everyday community support that can make raising children easier.

For families who once relied on neighbours, grandparents and extended communities, the modern city can offer better infrastructure and more opportunities while simultaneously making childcare a more structured, expensive and demanding part of everyday life.

Netizens react

A user wrote, "In apartments also all neighbours know kids names. That’s just the way kids are. People get involved. A lot of this is people thinking about what it’s like to have kids instead of having kids." One commented, "No wonder it's scary to plan a sibling for my child. More than the cost & logistics, it's the stress management that has always scared me." One added, "The fact is we are never satisfied and if we want more, we need to sacrifice. Now that’s upon one to decide whether it’s either of the partners, children or parents. Sacrifice is static, that has to be made by 1 of them."