Words can be heavy: 5 things overweight people are tired of hearing

Moti’ (fat), ‘elephant’, ‘jalhasti’ (hippo).

A lot of us who are obese, or at least have an ‘it’s complicated’ relationship with weight, have been used to these colourful epithets since our formative years. Being fat should just be one of the many mundane facts about an individual. But it seldom is. For most obese people, fatness almost becomes an identity and precedes pretty much any other aspect of our personality or achievements.

You don’t have to partake in the body positivity trends. You don’t have to go out of your way to make obese people feel better about themselves. But you can refrain from making hurtful remarks that either shames them about their weight or pokes fun at their plumpness.


The next time you are thinking about making one of these remarks to your fat friend, acquaintance, or neighbour, think twice before letting them slip. Chances are it is something they have heard 1000000 times before.

‘I Am Just Concerned About Your Health!’

Sure you are, padoswali aunty/random stranger who I just met, sure you are.

At first glance, these comments sound well-meaning, obesity is known to have a correlation to several health scares like diabetes and cardiac diseases. But in most cases, such statements do not across as concern but as a patronising diatribe. Most often this is just anti-fat attitude masquerading as concern. You are fooling no one, believe me.

There are several other reasons why this remark can be problematic:

You are assuming the person is not concerned about their own well-being. Many if not all obese people are very well aware of the long-term ramifications of their weight. Quite a few of them undergo treatments to shed flab. They might even have lost weight when you are trying to show ‘concern’. An individual who had gone down from 150 to 90 kilos has slimmed down significantly even if it is not apparent.

Don’t infantilise people battling obesity. That’s just not cool.

‘You Would Look So Pretty Only If You Lost Weight’

No thanks for the backhanded compliment.

Such remarks also imply that one can only look ‘pretty’ if they are slender.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. It is also subjective to the current social and cultural mores. In medieval times, being plump was often celebrated as it was seen as a sign of prosperity. In the artwork of 16th-century artists like Rubens, the female protagonists are always delightfully voluptuous and well-endowed.

The current pop culture mandates slender bodies as the epitome of desirability. But that does not mean people have to cater to your personal standards of beauty.

‘Should You Be Eating That?’

Unless an overweight person has personally hired you to oversee their diet, no need to volunteer to be their weight-watcher.

It's not as if only obese people have unhealthy eating habits. Have you never seen a thin individual gorge on biryani or binge eat? Do you still feel the urge to go and point out healthier alternatives to them? If not then look at yourself harder and examine where the urge to call out overweight people’s eating habits is coming from.

‘Your Workout Regime Is Not Working’

Congratulations! Here’s your award for making a person feel worse about themselves.

If you know an individual is attempting to shed those kilos and get in shape, then try to be encouraging. If you can’t say nice things, refrain from demoralising them. Fitness regimes are not magic. Exercises and lifestyle changes do work, but it takes time to see any noticeable changes in your weight. Moreover, some people may have underlying health problems that may delay in weight loss.

It takes a great deal of self-introspection and initiative to try and change the way you are. If someone is on a mission for self-improvement, do.not.bring.them.down.

‘Have You Put On Weight?’

Way to go for pointing out the obvious genius!

So you think your obese acquaintance is showing no signs of slimming down? Or they are making no effort to lose weight and continuing to be fat? Keep those thoughts to yourself.

The Bottom Line

Discussions and inquiries about other people’s weight, and body shape should be out of bounds. Most remarks calling out fatness are little more than school-yard bullying.

We need to exercise more sensitivity and tact when talking about others’ struggles with weight. Weight gain and loss can often be linked to a serious personal crisis just as losing a loved one, losing a job, depression, or even a health scare. You have no idea why someone keeps on gaining weight. Unless you are an obesity expert, you will likely never understand the nuances of the condition.