‘I am sorry’ is not enough: Parenting coach urges ‘repairing’ over ‘apologizing’ to heal mistakes and transform a child’s future

When it comes to parenting, everyone makes mistakes. But how we respond after losing our temper or reacting poorly can have a lasting impact on a child’s emotional well-being. According to clinical psychologist and parenting coach Becky Kennedy, the answer isn’t simply apologizing—it’s learning how to repair. In a recent Ted Talk highlighted by parenting circles and reported by various outlets, Kennedy explained why “repair” offers a deeper, more transformative approach to nurturing children’s resilience and self-worth.

What Is Repair and Why Does It Matter?

Becky Kennedy, founder of the Good Inside parenting platform and author of Good Inside, defines repair as an intentional act that goes beyond saying sorry. “Repair is the act of going back to a moment of disconnection, taking responsibility for your behavior, and acknowledging the impact it had on another,” she explained in her talk.

Unlike apologies that may aim to end an uncomfortable conversation—“Hey, I’m sorry I yelled. Can we move on now?”—repairs invite open dialogue and reflection. Kennedy points out that repair assumes there’s been a rupture in the relationship and that addressing it strengthens trust, emotional safety, and connection.


This approach not only helps children process their feelings but prevents them from internalizing negative coping mechanisms. “If I don’t go help him do that through making a repair, he has to rely on one of the only coping mechanisms he has at his own disposal… self-blame,” Kennedy stated, emphasizing how early experiences can shape adult fears of being unlovable or at fault.

Repairing Creates New Narratives

Kennedy’s insights, as shared in her Ted Talk, emphasize that repairing offers more than a temporary fix. It replaces harmful narratives with healthier alternatives. “When you repair, you go further than removing a child's story of self-blame. You get to add in all the elements that were missing in the first place: safety, connection, coherence, love, goodness.”

This philosophy reflects Kennedy’s broader belief that parenting isn’t about perfection but learning from mistakes and growing through them. “There is no such thing as a perfect parent. Mistakes and struggles, they come with the job, but no one tells us what to do next. So let’s write a better story. Let’s learn how to repair.”

Real-World Parenting Applications

For parents navigating everyday stress and fatigue, Kennedy’s method offers actionable guidance. Whether snapping at a child during a challenging moment or feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities, recognizing the impact of one's actions and actively working to reconnect with the child can rebuild trust.

Repair encourages parents to move past guilt and shame and instead embrace accountability and compassion. It’s a technique that acknowledges mistakes without amplifying them, allowing both parent and child to learn and grow together.

A Message for Modern Parenting

Becky Kennedy’s advice resonates especially with millennial parents, many of whom grew up with fear-based discipline or struggled with self-esteem issues. As Time Magazine dubbed her the “millennial parent whisperer,” her approach reflects a shift toward empathetic, psychologically informed parenting.

In a world where parenting mistakes are often met with judgment or silence, Kennedy’s call for repair invites a cultural change—one where connection, understanding, and shared growth take center stage.

Repairing rather than merely apologizing helps transform parenting from a cycle of mistakes and regret into one of learning and connection. Kennedy’s philosophy teaches that even in moments of failure, parents can model resilience and compassion, shaping healthier emotional landscapes for their children. As she concludes in her talk, “Let’s write a better story. Let’s learn how to repair.” It’s a message that offers hope—and a roadmap—for families everywhere.