When some folks try the Sense Mukt Asana

By Twinkle Khanna

7am: I am sitting on the couch in my pajamas, drinking some tea and looking at the sea.

My sister who is visiting from Delhi comes out of the guest room, peers at me, and says, ‘Don’t you have a photo-shoot today? Why aren’t you getting ready?’

I reply, ‘I don’t want to go! I am not used to it anymore and it is very intimidating to be stared at by this judgmental mechanical device called a camera. Strange things happen to me on the set these days, my ears get blocked, and then I spend the rest of the day talking through my nose like Donald Duck.

I think I am allergic to these shoots though everyone is trying to convince me that all this congestion is probably due to the three litres of hair spray that is usually squirted around my head!

You know the air in the makeup room gets so polluted that you will think you are back in Delhi. So right now, I am in a state of active procrastination.’
She stifles a yawn and says, ‘You are sounding very agitated, go do some yoga or something.’

I reply, ‘I will, I will, hey, you know a lot of people have opposed this 21st June Yoga day thing. I think they are all reading this fine book called ‘The dummy’s guide to a demented world’ which probably states that ‘freedom is about agitating against everything, including things that are good for you and in case one needs an appropriate excuse to oppose any policy, then religious indignation is almost an idiot-proof one that has been used very successfully since time immemorial.’

Sister dear pours herself a cup of green tea, picks up the newspaper and sarcastically says, ‘Alright, and thank you for entertaining me with your idiotic rants early in the morning.”

I snigger, ‘If you really want to see a rant then turn to page six and read what Yogi Adityanath is saying. Some Muslim groups had objections to the practice of yoga and Surya Namaskar but instead of pacifying them that it isn’t about religion at all, yogiji retorted by saying that people who don’t want to salute the sun should drown themselves in the sea.

In my opinion, he should stop doing all other asanas and just practice Vatsara Dhauti or, as the Americans call it, ‘cleaning the intestines with air’, so that he can use all the hot air inside him for a more useful purpose.

My sister giggles saying, ‘Acha listen, I really want to see the yoga day celebrations though, with our ministers sweating and trying out different asanas. Who knows they could be rather good at it, what with being experts at getting themselves into strange positions and then swiftly finding ways to get out of them. Ok, now start moving, you lazy bum!’ And shoos me away.

7.30am: As I am trying to unroll one end of my mat on the grass, the baby starts pulling the other end. I look at her and recall the time when she was still inside my stomach. It was a difficult pregnancy which involved lots of bed-rest and bouts of terrible insomnia due to the medicines that I was given and only practicing yoga nidra and shavasana saved my sanity by giving me that half an hour of respite in the middle of countless sleepless nights.

I discovered yoga late in life — around twelve years ago — and I have always wished that I had this tool earlier. I would have been able to handle everything so much better, which is probably one of the reasons I think that it should be part of school programs.

The basic philosophy of yoga has nothing to do with religion and is only about being in balance with yourself and the world around you, and isn’t that really what any sort of God would want from all of us?

7.45am: I stand on my yoga mat and go through my daily routine of fourteen asanas and finally I sit cross-legged and balance the breath in my left nostril with my right, till I reach a certain equilibrium in my head. And feeling completely at ease with every inch of my middle-aged self, I am all ready to face the flashbulbs today.