Time to outlaw tennis rackets

Characterising the gamut of incomprehensible, stentorian articulations of today’s tennis players as ‘grunts’ is quite inaccurate — the word is generally used to describe the trademark short, low-pitched snorts emitted by pigs snaffling their next meal. However, their squeals when beleaguered —like a tennis player on a match-point deuce — can touch an ear-splitting 115 decibels, which tops a chainsaw’s 110 decibels. It may be noted that while male tennis players’ on-court aural salvos are deemed to be mostly guttural, the sounds on the women’s circuit definitely appear to be more akin to shrieks than grunts, with some current top players’ squeals hitting 108 decibels.

It is not surprising that when the modern version of the game is seeing players even being identified by their distinctive ‘grunts’ — not unlike unseen animals in the jungle — this tennis racket is finally becoming too much for others to bear. It is heartening, therefore, that those distractingly loud volleys may be on the verge of being declared ‘out’ by relevant authorities, now that quieter players and spectators at venues as well as at home are voicing their annoyance at the profusion of porcine cries reverberating within the confines of tennis arenas, thoughtfully magnified by courtside microphones.