The Queen seeks Dr. D's advice

Dear Dr D

One is compelled to write to you about a matter of not urgency but concern. One has received again, as one often does, a letter from the colonies asking for one's assistance.

“Dear Queen, please come and save us. We are in danger of being taken over by Donald Trump,” writes a man. One takes offence to this because everyone ought to know that the correct manner of addressing one is “Your Majesty” (capitals throughout). But one takes it on one's chin.

One's larger point is this: We have no difficulty in saving America, but where will it all stop? What if we are then called upon to save Bihar ? And, oh the horror, Pakistan?

One's empire has been re -named one's commonwealth and one understands that the natives cannot run these places as well as one did. But even so — one's diary is quite full at the moment. What must one tell these poor plebeians?

Elizabeth R
Buckingham Palace
London - One

Dear Elizabeth

I am amazed anyone should turn to you as a solution. You cannot even control the affairs of your utterly dysfunctional family. Do you read the papers? You should.

Also, it's not your commonwealth. The natives have taken over and running the shop quite well, thank you very much. And, for many of us old enough to remember the events before 1947, our saying is: God, save us from the Queen.


He is one of the leading doctors in the country. He values his privacy (but not of his clients.) STATUTORY WARNING: This humour column is not for the weak-kneed or the thin-skinned.