Quote of the day by Oscar Wilde: 'When in love, one always begins by deceiving one's self, and always ends by deceiving others. That is romance...' - The uncomfortable truth about how people see love when emotions take over explained by the Irish writer

Oscar Wilde was writer who was good at turning complicated ideas about human nature into lines that seemed witty at first, and a moment later, unsettling. One of his most interesting points about love is taken from his novel, The Picture of Dorian Gray where he describes that romance begins with self-deceit, and then extends to others.

“When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one's self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance,” Wilde wrote.

The quote of the day appears in Chapter 4 of The Picture of Dorian Gray, published in book form in 1891. It is spoken by Lord Henry Wotton while talking to the young Dorian Gray. Through Lord Henry, Wilde explores ideas about love, beauty, art and human behaviour with the kind of sharp wit that became closely associated with his writing.

Meaning of Oscar Wilde’s quote on love

At the heart of this quote of the day is the idea that falling in love can affect how people see reality.

Wilde suggests that the first deception is directed inward. A person in love may convince themselves of things they want to believe about a relationship, another person or even their own feelings. As the romance progresses, the deception can then involve other people.

The final phrase adds Wilde's characteristic irony. He flips the script on the traditional idea of romance, not as a beautiful or ideal experience, but rather as the complex process of self-deception and deception that society accepts as romance.

This observation also speaks to the larger concerns of The Picture of Dorian Gray, a story built around appearances, hidden lives, and the difference between what people present to the world and what is underneath. That’s a line from Dorian Gray’s Lord Henry.

Dorian is strongly influenced by Lord Henry in the novel.He expresses his provocative views on life, and encourages the young man to adopt a different perspective on pleasure, beauty and morality.

So the quote is from a character whose discussions with Dorian frequently transform conventional social ideas into witty, unsettling rationalizations.Wilde uses Lord Henry’s wit to explore how people rationalize their choices and construct explanations for their behavior.

A similar sentiment is expressed later in Wilde’s 1893 play A Woman of No Importance, revealing that the author’s fascination with the contradictions of love and relationships was not limited to the novel.

The rise of Oscar Wilde the writer

Wilde was born in 1854 into a well-connected and cultured Dublin family.He was educated at Trinity College, Dublin before winning a scholarship to Oxford University, where he came into contact with the thinking of Walter Pater and John Ruskin.

His years at Oxford shaped his interest in esthetics, art and style. After moving to London, Wilde was recognized not only for his writing but also for his wit, distinctive appearance and public personality. He became associated with the aesthetic movement and quickly developed a reputation as a memorable literary and social figure.

His writing eventually covered poetry, essays, children's stories, fiction and drama. The Happy Prince and Other Stories appeared in 1888, while The Picture of Dorian Gray brought him considerable attention and controversy.

His plays later established him as one of the leading dramatists of his period. These included Lady Windermere's Fan, A Woman of No Importance, An Ideal Husband and The Importance of Being Earnest.

Love, secrecy and Wilde’s own life

The themes in Wilde's writing are particularly striking when viewed alongside the pressures surrounding his personal life.

Wilde married Constance Lloyd in 1884, and they had two sons. Later he had relationships with men, including Lord Alfred Douglas.The events leading up to Wilde's downfall were dominated by his relationship with Douglas at a time when homosexual relationships between men were illegal in Britain.

Wilde sued Douglas’s father, the Marquess of Queensberry, for libel after he claimed Wilde was engaged in homosexual acts. The case failed, and Wilde was subsequently prosecuted for gross indecency. He was sentenced to two years of hard labour.

The imprisonment and its aftermath devastated his finances, reputation and personal life. After his release, he lived largely away from the society in which he had once been celebrated and died in Paris in 1900 at the age of 46.