Quote of the day by Ian McKellen: 'Bringing up children is the most dreadfully difficult thing to do, and so few people are good at it. I’m far too selfish' - A parenting lesson on responsibility from The Lord of the Rings star

Choosing whether to have children is a deeply personal decision, and for some people, the answer becomes clear because of the kind of life they want to lead. British actor Sir Ian McKellen once gave a rather direct explanation for why he never became a father, saying that he believed raising children was an extremely demanding responsibility and that he considered himself too selfish for it.

The qoute "Bringing up children is the most dreadfully difficult thing to do, and so few people are good at it. I’m far too selfish" came while he was discussing his family history during an appearance connected to the BBC genealogy series Who Do You Think You Are? in January 2017.

Quote of the day by Ian McKellen on children

The quote of the day by Ian McKellen was: "Bringing up children is the most dreadfully difficult thing to do, and so few people are good at it. I’m far too selfish."


At first, the comment may sound unusually blunt, especially because McKellen was speaking about himself rather than trying to give a general opinion about parenthood. But the larger point behind it is about the responsibility involved in bringing up a child. Having children is not simply about wanting a family. It means giving a large part of your time, attention and energy to another person for many years. McKellen was essentially acknowledging that he did not feel suited to that responsibility and did not want to pretend otherwise.

The second part of the quote is also important because of the word "selfish". McKellen was not necessarily using it to describe selfishness in the everyday sense of being uncaring. He was talking about knowing himself and recognising that his own life, interests and freedom had always mattered greatly to him. Rather than becoming a parent without being certain that he could give the role what it required, he chose not to have children. His comment therefore also touches on a decision many people make for different reasons, even though they may not always discuss it openly.

Ian McKellen's early interest in acting

Ian Murray McKellen was born on May 25, 1939, in Burnley, Lancashire, England. His interest in acting started remarkably early. His parents took him to see Peter Pan at the Manchester Opera House when he was only three, and theatre gradually became an important part of his childhood.

His family encouraged that interest rather than treating acting as just a passing hobby. When he was nine, he received a small fold-away toy theatre as a Christmas present, complete with cardboard scenery and figures. He also began watching plays and performing at school. One of his early Shakespeare performances was as Malvolio in Twelfth Night when he was 13.

McKellen later studied English at St Catharine's College, Cambridge, where he became heavily involved in student theatre. He appeared in more than 20 productions during his university years, and some of the people he worked with would go on to become important figures in British theatre. His time at Cambridge helped confirm that acting was not something he wanted to do on the side. It was going to be his profession.

He graduated in 1961 and made his professional stage debut as Roper in a production of Robert Bolt's A Man for All Seasons at the Belgrade Theatre in Coventry. From there, he spent the 1960s building a reputation in British theatre, particularly through Shakespearean roles.

From Shakespeare to the Royal Shakespeare Company

McKellen became closely associated with some of Britain's leading theatre institutions. He worked with the National Theatre and later joined the Royal Shakespeare Company, where his performances helped establish him as one of the country's major stage actors.

His work was not limited to Shakespeare. Across his career, he performed in plays by writers including Anton Chekhov and Frank Wedekind, while also taking on modern and contemporary roles. His stage performances earned him major recognition, including Laurence Olivier Awards for productions such as Bent, Wild Honey and Richard III.

In 1981, he won a Tony Award for playing Antonio Salieri in the Broadway production of Amadeus. He also directed plays and created the one-man show Acting Shakespeare, showing that his interest in theatre went beyond simply performing in front of an audience.

His career on stage continued alongside his growing work in films and television. While theatre remained an important part of his professional identity, international audiences eventually came to know him for very different characters.

Gandalf and Magneto made him a global star

For many viewers, Ian McKellen became particularly well known after taking on the role of Magneto in the X-Men films and Gandalf in The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

He played Magneto in X-Men in 2000 and returned for further films in the series. Around the same period, he appeared as Gandalf in Peter Jackson's The Lord of the Rings films, beginning with The Fellowship of the Ring in 2001. His performance earned him an Academy Award nomination for supporting actor.

McKellen later returned as Gandalf for The Hobbit film series. These roles introduced his work to a much wider international audience, but they were only one part of a career that had already included decades of stage performances and more varied film roles.

He was also nominated for an Academy Award for his performance as director James Whale in Gods and Monsters in 1998. Other notable screen appearances included Richard III, The Da Vinci Code, Mr. Holmes, Beauty and the Beast, The Good Liar and Cats. On television, he starred alongside Derek Jacobi in the comedy series Vicious.

A career that went beyond acting

McKellen's public life has also included activism, particularly around gay rights. He publicly came out as gay in 1988 during a BBC Radio 3 discussion about Section 28, a law that restricted the promotion of homosexuality by local authorities in Britain.

He subsequently became an active campaigner for equality and was involved with Stonewall, the British organisation established to campaign for legal and social equality for LGBT people. His public work in this area became another significant part of his legacy outside the stage and screen.

His contribution to the performing arts was recognised with several major honours. He was appointed a Commander of the Order of the British Empire in 1979 and was knighted in 1991. In 2007, he was appointed to the Order of the Companions of Honour.