Putin seeks Dr. D's advise for his talk to Elton John over gay issues
Dear Dr. D, my aides are saying I need to speak to Elton John to listen to some twaddle about these rights which we have rightly denied in Russia.

I am also a Doctor. A PhD, though you probably did not know that because of my image as a tough man (which indeed I am). And my nation, beloved Russia, also has a similar image in the world: tumescent, unforgiving, throbbingly hard. Now we are being encouraged to become flaccid. This whole gay rights thing is a western conspiracy to emasculate us as is well known (I read it on the internet).
Anyway, my aides are saying I need to speak to Elton John to listen to some twaddle about these rights which we have rightly denied in Russia. What must I watch out for when we chat? Please advise.
V Putin, Kremlin
Dear Mr Putin
This is indeed a tricky one. A few things I would watch out for would be the headlines, particularly the tabloids. You mustn’t be too rigid with Sir Elton. Or we may have such headlines as ‘Vlad the impaler skewers Sir Elton’. Or ‘Elton gets his bottom spanked’.
This is unfair to humans and I think you owe him at least a conversation if not your support for his cause.
On the other hand, I would also resist doing what you normally do, which is take your shirt off, take off on horseback and take Sir Elton off to some hunting picnic. Imagine the headlines then: ‘Bum chums’.
He is one of the leading doctors in the country. He values his privacy (but not of his clients.) STATUTORY WARNING: This humour column is not for the weak-kneed or the thin-skinned.
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