Psychologists say people who ask big favours from others aren't being demanding, they might see possibilities where others see rejection

Helping one another is a normal part of every relationship, whether it is between family members, friends or coworkers. Still, asking someone for a major favour often feels uncomfortable because there is always a chance of hearing "no." Interestingly, psychologists say that people who make large requests are not always being pushy. In many cases, they may simply expect the best outcome and approach others with genuine optimism.

Why some people ask for big favours without hesitation

A 2026 study by UCLA sociologist Andrew Chalfoun and colleagues looked at how people ask others for help and why they choose different styles of making requests. After reviewing previous research, the team identified three common approaches.

The first is called informationally pessimistic, based on sociologist Erving Goffman's "face" theory. This approach assumes people worry about protecting another person's comfort and reputation, so they leave room for refusal. Someone might say, "I'm sure you're busy, but I wonder if you could..." to make declining easier.


The second approach, rationally polite, changes depending on the relationship and the size of the favour. People tend to be more direct with those they know well or when the request is small, while they soften larger requests or those made to acquaintances.

The third approach is irrationally optimistic. According to the researchers, "Individuals display a cognitive bias to anticipate and focus on the best possible outcome while discounting or ignoring the possibility of failure." In simple terms, these people naturally expect a positive response, even when the request is significant.

Optimism was surprisingly common

To better understand real conversations, the UCLA team analysed nearly 92 hours of everyday interactions covering 194 requests across seven languages: Arabic, English, Italian, Longando, Saek, Siwu and Ticuna.

Although earlier studies found that small requests are accepted around 52 to 67 percent of the time, major requests in this study were granted only 11 to 25 percent of the time. Even so, most people still framed their requests optimistically instead of preparing for rejection.

One example involved a teenager named Virginia. After her mother, who owned a dress shop, reminded her that she already had enough dresses, Virginia immediately asked, "Can I please get that dress?" Her mother refused, saying, "We've been through this before… just wait for the fall." Despite having good reason to expect rejection, Virginia still made the request confidently.

The researchers said similar examples reflected "optimistic stances in the face of persistent counterevidence," suggesting that people often stay hopeful when asking those they know well for important favours.

Asking for help may even strengthen relationships

Separate findings published in The Journal of Social Psychology by researcher Yu Niiya suggest that asking for help does not always harm relationships. In experiments involving both Japanese and American participants, people who were directly asked for a favour reported greater liking toward the requester afterward. Their impressions of the person and their sense of closeness also improved compared with before the request. That increase did not happen when participants helped without being directly asked.

A similar idea is reflected in the well-known Ben Franklin Effect, which suggests that when someone does you a small favour, they may end up liking you more because they mentally justify their helpful behaviour by viewing the relationship more positively. Benjamin Franklin himself described the idea in his autobiography, writing, "He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged."

Together, these findings suggest that asking for help, even when the favour is a big one, is not always a sign of entitlement. For many people, it simply reflects a hopeful outlook and a belief that relationships can handle honest requests.