Picking fights too often with your partner? Letting ego take a backseat may help

By Shannon Tellis

Studies have shown that individuals with a healthy ego or narcissistic tendencies are often more charming, interesting and socially confident — which is great at the workplace or when you’re exploring a new relationship. But over a long term, that healthy ego can start to be more detrimental than helpful. If left unchecked, ego can lead to a range of relationship pitfalls like one-upmanship, materialism, aggression and even infidelity. Follow these simple tips to banish unnecessary vanity.

Be vulnerable

When people think highly of themselves, they do everything they can to protect their perceived status, be it in their professional or personal lives. They’re afraid of showing failure. Rather than spend time worrying if your pride will be bruised, try building a relationship with your partner. By taking time to understand why your loved one behaves the way they do, you’ll avoid immature arguments down the road and in some cases, will even be able to head them off before they arise. Another pitfall of letting your ego rule your relationship is that you tend to place yourself on a higher pedestal than your partner, letting them think you can do no wrong. This makes it more difficult for your partner to approach or trust you with their own insecurities. By letting down your walls occasionally, your partner is more likely to trust you with their own vulnerabilities.


Avoid throwing fuel
Relationship arguments may be par for course but that doesn’t mean you should let them spin out of control because you’re not willing to admit defeat. Rather than fall victim to your pride, it’s smarter to take the high road. Look beyond your ego and try to understand where your partner is coming from. This works in the other direction too. If you feel your partner is being stubbornly arrogant or letting their pride make decisions for them, try to find another way to reach out to them. It’s easy to bring your ego into the argument but two egos wil l only fuel the fight further.

Forget trading up
While wanting to show off your loved one is a natural emotion, narcissistic people or those with unhealthy egos tend to think they can do better. They’re constantly on the lookout for a more glamorous partner, someone who can make them look better. One of the major pitfalls of this is that you start to put yourself first — thinking “I deserve the best” — and begin to disregard the needs and wants of your partner. One easy fix for this is to imagine your partner as a celebrity. In relationships, people need to feel important. By treating your partner as a celebrity, you’ll learn to value what makes them special, building a stronger foundation.