Philosophy Answers: Why some people love having alone time while others don't like the thought of being alone by themselves

For some people, having the house to themselves is one of the best parts of the day. They may enjoy eating alone, going for a walk without company or simply sitting with their thoughts for a while. For others, the same silence can feel uncomfortable. Being alone for too long may bring loneliness, worry or the feeling that something is missing.

It is tempting to explain this difference by saying that introverts enjoy solitude and extroverts do not. But philosophy and psychology suggest the answer is not that simple. How a person understands solitude, why they choose it and what happens in their mind during that time can all make a difference.

Montaigne saw solitude as a way of returning to yourself

The French philosopher Michel de Montaigne had an interesting way of looking at being alone. In his essay Of Solitude, he argued that a person should keep an inner space that belongs to them, even while taking part in society.


The Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy notes Montaigne's emphasis on having a private retreat where a person can establish freedom and solitude. His point was not simply that people should run away from everyone. Instead, physical separation from others could give someone the chance to step back from outside demands and reconnect with their own thoughts.

That helps explain why alone time can feel so good for some people. They may not experience it as an absence of company. They may experience it as time when nobody is asking anything from them.

Kierkegaard believed the individual has to face life personally

Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard also placed great importance on the individual. His work repeatedly returned to the idea of the “single individual” and the question of how a person actually lives and takes responsibility for their own existence.

This does not mean Kierkegaard was simply arguing that people should isolate themselves. In fact, the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy notes that he did not see becoming a self as the work of an autonomous, completely isolated person.

Still, his philosophy offers another way to understand solitude. When people are constantly surrounded by friends, colleagues, family members and social expectations, there can be little quiet time to think about what they actually want. Being alone can sometimes remove that noise.

Nietzsche connected distance from the crowd with individuality

Friedrich Nietzsche took this idea in a different direction. His philosophy placed considerable importance on individuality, independence and creating values rather than simply accepting everything handed down by society.

The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy notes Nietzsche's emphasis on individuality and the independence of the “free spirit” from restrictive social conventions.

So, from a Nietzschean point of view, some people may enjoy solitude because it gives them distance from the crowd and from the pressure to behave like everyone else. That does not mean Nietzsche believed everyone should live alone. The broader point is that stepping away from other people's expectations can sometimes make it easier for a person to hear their own thoughts.

But Aristotle reminds us that humans still need other people

There is another side to this argument, and Aristotle provides it.

In Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle treats friendship as an important part of a flourishing life. His discussion of well-being does not present a good life as complete independence from other people. Friendship, shared activity and relationships have an important place in human life.

This could explain why someone can genuinely love spending an evening alone but still feel unhappy if that solitude continues for weeks. Enjoying solitude and needing relationships are not necessarily opposite things.

A person can want their own space and still want people they care about around them.

Psychology says it is not simply about being an introvert

Psychology research makes the picture even more interesting. A 2022 PLOS ONE study by Thuy-Vy Nguyen, Netta Weinstein and Richard Ryan examined whether introversion actually predicted people's motivation for solitude. Across two diary studies, the researchers found no evidence that introversion predicted either preference for solitude or motivation for it. Instead, dispositional autonomy — the tendency to act from one's own interests and values without feeling pressured — was linked to self-determined motivation for spending time alone.

So the person who enjoys being alone is not necessarily someone who simply dislikes people. They may be comfortable deciding what they want to do without needing company to make the experience worthwhile.

Why the same alone time can feel peaceful or painful

A 2019 study by Virginia Thomas and Margarita Azmitia also looked at the reason behind solitude. Their research distinguished between self-determined reasons for being alone and less self-determined reasons. The researchers found that motivation was an important part of whether solitude was associated with better or poorer well-being.

This creates an important difference. Choosing to stay home because you want some quiet time is not the same as staying home because you feel rejected, have no one to call or are avoiding people because social situations have become difficult.

The outside situation may look identical — one person sitting alone in a room — but the experience inside their head can be completely different.

Research by Weinstein and colleagues in 2023, based on interviews with 60 people aged 19 to 80, similarly examined what contributes to peaceful and enjoyable solitude, including personality and mindset factors.

More recent work by Weinstein and Mark Adams has also examined solitude in context, looking at how personality processes and circumstances can shape experiences of time spent alone.

Taken together, philosophy and psychology point to a fairly simple idea: being alone is not automatically good or bad.

For one person, solitude can mean freedom, quiet and a chance to return to themselves. For another, the same silence can highlight loneliness and the need for connection. And for most people, life probably contains both experiences at different times.

The real question, then, may not be whether someone likes being alone. It may be what being alone means to them.