Nice boss vs good boss: Experts reveal the hidden traits that truly make an effective leader

Being friendly or likable at work doesn’t automatically make someone a good manager, says entrepreneur and author Ben Askins. In a recent feature on CNBC Make It, Askins emphasized that many professionals confuse niceness with leadership ability. “When I say a good boss … I’m not just talking about someone who you can go for a drink with after work,” he explained. “I’m talking about competent leadership.”

Askins, co-founder of London-based environmental software company Gaia and former founder of the digital marketing agency Verb Brands, shares leadership advice to his 1.23 million social media followers, helping people rethink what makes a boss effective.

Competence Over Charm

According to Askins, a boss can be highly competent without being particularly likable. “You don’t have to like your boss, and they can still be a perfectly good leader,” he said. Effective managers are consistent, make sound decisions, and provide guidance, even if they’re not everyone’s favorite.


However, the reverse is also true. A boss who is excessively polite or “too nice” may struggle to enforce standards, provide constructive feedback, or make difficult decisions that could advance employees’ careers. “If you don’t have a boss who tells you what you’re doing wrong, you don’t have a good boss,” Askins said.

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The Pitfalls of Ultra-Niceness

Workplace coach Phoebe Gavin told CNBC Make It that overly friendly relationships with managers can backfire. “At the end of the day, if your boss’s boss says, ‘We can’t afford to employ your friend anymore,’ you know what your boss is going to do? They’re going to lay you off,” she said, even if it’s emotionally difficult. Boundaries between personal friendship and professional oversight are crucial.

Getting Honest Feedback

For employees struggling to get actionable guidance from a “nice” boss, social psychologist Tessa West of New York University recommends starting small. Ask for feedback on low-stakes tasks, like “Is this a good font for tomorrow’s presentation?” Gradually, employees can work up to more critical feedback without threatening the manager’s comfort zone.

Being a good boss is less about weekend check-ins or team pizza parties and more about competency, consistency, and the ability to enforce standards fairly. As Askins’ insights reveal, leadership is about guiding your team with clarity and accountability, not simply being liked.