iSperm: The mirage of a spermanent solution

It used to be said in more old-fashioned times that no gentleman was a hero to his valet. Since that last word now means someone who parks cars for a fee, the implication is that most men no longer face any challenges to their self-image from all-seeing modern-day Jeeves. They obviously rejoiced too soon, as a new Taiwanese device called the iSperm – which handily clips on to iPad minis – puts those wiggly spores on candid camera and offers practically instant analysis on their vitality and motility, along with 7-second recording and data storing options. The move to extend its market from the livestock business to human males may well have been spurred by data showing that it led to a 20% rise in birthrates among pigs in Taiwan. But minute knowledge of virility statistics may not necessarily produce comparable or desirable results among humans.

Ample precautions are also needed on personal information now that hacking has reached new depths with the theft last week of the database of a website facilitating adultery, followed by threats of indiscriminate leaks and blackmail. There is no telling what disseminated sperm count data could spawn. Of course, the bright side is that in the future, parents will be able to show their children how it all began — when they were just a gleam on their parents’ iPad.