Indian proverb of the day by Chanakya on 3 steps of parenting: 'Pamper a child for first five years; discipline tightly for next ten years; but once they reach sixteen...' Ancient wisdom about child development for all parents

Parenting has always been one of the most discussed subjects across cultures and generations. Long before modern psychology, parenting books, and expert-led workshops became common, ancient thinkers were already reflecting on how children should be raised. Among them was Chanakya, also known as Kautilya or Vishnugupta, whose teachings continue to be quoted even today. One of his most widely shared parenting sayings offers a simple but structured approach to raising children through different stages of life.

"Pamper a child for the first five years; discipline them tightly for the next ten years; but once they reach their sixteenth year, treat your child as your equal friend."

The original Sanskrit verse presents parenting as a journey that changes with a child's age rather than remaining the same throughout life. The saying divides childhood and adolescence into three phases, each requiring a different approach from parents.


At its core, the proverb suggests that young children need affection and emotional security during their early years. As they grow older, they need structure, guidance, and clear boundaries. Then, when they reach their teenage years and begin developing their own identity, parents should gradually shift from authority figures to trusted companions who can guide them through mutual respect rather than control.

Understanding the Three Stages of Parenting

The first part of the proverb advises parents to "pamper" a child during the first five years. In the context of the teaching, this is generally understood as providing love, care, protection, and emotional support. Early childhood is often considered a crucial period for emotional development, and the saying highlights the importance of making children feel secure and valued.

The second stage covers the next ten years, roughly from age six to fifteen. Here, Chanakya recommends discipline and guidance. The emphasis is not simply on punishment but on teaching responsibility, values, self-control, and respect for rules. These years are viewed as a period when habits are formed and character begins to take shape.

The final stage begins when the child reaches sixteen years of age. At this point, the proverb encourages parents to treat their child like a friend. The message is that older teenagers and young adults should be given greater respect, independence, and a voice in decisions. Instead of relying only on authority, parents should build a relationship based on trust and open communication.

Who Was Chanakya?

Chanakya, who lived around 350-275 BCE, remains one of the most influential figures in ancient Indian history. Also known as Kautilya and Vishnugupta, he was born into a Brahman family and received his education at Taxila, an important centre of learning located in present-day Pakistan.

He is best remembered as the adviser and chief minister to Chandragupta Maurya, the founder of the Mauryan Empire. Historical accounts credit Chanakya with playing a major role in helping Chandragupta overthrow the Nanda dynasty and establish one of the largest empires in ancient India.

Beyond politics, Chanakya became known for his writings on governance, economics, diplomacy, ethics, and human behaviour. His ideas have continued to attract attention centuries after his lifetime because of their practical and often direct approach to solving problems.

Arthashastra and Chanakya Niti: Two Different Works

Many people often use the terms Arthashastra and Chanakya Niti interchangeably, but scholars point out that they are distinct works.

The Arthashastra is a detailed treatise on statecraft, administration, economics, taxation, warfare, diplomacy, and governance. It is often described as one of the most comprehensive manuals on political administration produced in ancient India. The work explains how rulers should organise their states, select ministers, manage resources, and respond to both internal and external threats.

Chanakya Niti, on the other hand, focuses more on practical wisdom and everyday life. It contains a collection of aphorisms and observations dealing with leadership, relationships, personal conduct, education, social behaviour, and decision-making. The parenting proverb that continues to circulate today is commonly associated with this body of teachings.

Experts have often noted that misunderstanding these texts has led to a simplified image of Chanakya. While he is sometimes portrayed only as a shrewd strategist, his writings cover a much broader range of topics, including ethics, education, social order, and personal growth.

Although the saying was written more than two thousand years ago, many people believe it remains relevant because it recognises that children change as they grow older.

Chanakya's Practical View of Human Nature

One reason Chanakya's teachings have endured is his emphasis on practicality. His writings often encourage people to understand the realities of human behaviour rather than rely solely on idealistic thinking.

His approach was shaped by observation, governance, and experience. Whether discussing politics, leadership, education, or family life, he frequently focused on what people actually do rather than what they should do in theory. Supporters of his philosophy argue that this realistic outlook helps explain why many of his sayings continue to be shared in contemporary discussions.

Over the centuries, Chanakya has been compared by various scholars to influential political thinkers from other parts of the world because of his deep understanding of power, strategy, and human behaviour. Yet his teachings also extend beyond politics and include guidance on personal development and relationships.