In a racist world, Dr D quotes Mahmood to 'black sheep' of the flock

He is one of the leading doctors in the country. He values his privacy (but not of his clients).

Dear Dr D,

I am a dark-coloured, domesticated, ruminant mammal with a thick woolly coat and curving horns. A black sheep. The term is defined as “a person who has done something bad that brings embarrassment or shame to his or her family”. In this era, where the football team Washington Redskins is being renamed because of its racism, it is a wonder that my name is continued to be associated with misbehaviour.

That is the first issue I have with you people.


Second, the term ‘Counting Sheep’ is referred to as “to perform repetitive and monotonous thought exercise as a means of calming the mind to try to fall asleep”.

Try and squaring that definition with this news story: “In a bizarre incident, hundreds of sheep in Southern Ireland went on a week-long uncontrollable sex drive after they drank water from Ringaskiddy harbour where drug manufacturer Pfizer had accidentally spilled tonnes of Viagra.

“To the surprise of hundreds of shepherds, the nearly 80,000 animals behaved very strangely and were sexually overactive. During an interview with RTE One, Michael Murphy, a shepherd, described his animals as behaving like sex maniacs.” [Pfizer later denied the report, which had said more than 755 tonnes of unfiltered Viagra were accidentally spilled in the water].

All of these sheep, Doc, were white sheep, but the report does not say that.

When people giggle and tell this story, they will inevitably still speak of me. What am I to do?

Black Sheep,
Brexit

Dear Black Sheep,

I feel for you, but our world is inherently racist and discriminatory. It is hard-on you. It makes me tumescent with rage too. I would urge you to repeat to it the words of the great Mahmood. To wit: “Hum kale hain to kya hua dilwalein hain.”

*STATUTORY WARNING: This humour column is not for the weak-kneed or the thin-skinned.