If you don't fight, you are not married: Sudha Murty shares 3 advice for working couples to avoid fights

Every relationship comes with its share of disagreements, compromises and everyday challenges. Marriage, in particular, requires two people to understand each other while navigating work, family and responsibilities. Sudha Murty once offered a candid take on marriage and explained why arguments are not necessarily a sign of an unhappy relationship. Speaking alongside her husband, Infosys co-founder N.R. Narayana Murthy, she shared practical advice for couples on handling disagreements and sharing responsibilities.

Sudha Murty says couples are bound to fight

During a session at the India Today Conclave 2024, Sudha Murty and N.R. Narayana Murthy were interviewed together. Narayana Murthy asked his wife if she had a message for young couples. Sudha Murty’s first advice was surprisingly straightforward: accept that married couples are bound to fight. She said that if someone claims they have never fought, then perhaps they are not really husband and wife. Rather than trying to eliminate disagreements altogether, she suggested learning how to handle them without allowing an argument to spiral.

One person should stay calm

Her second piece of advice focused on what couples should do when emotions run high. According to Sudha Murty, when one person is upset, the other should remain calm and avoid responding immediately. She gave her own marriage as an example, explaining that when Narayana Murthy is angry, she does not engage in the argument and instead allows him to express what he wants to say. The same works in reverse. When she is angry, she said, her husband stays quiet.


Her key point was that couples should avoid becoming upset at the same time. In her view, both partners reacting emotionally together can turn a disagreement into an even bigger fight.

No perfect couple

Sudha Murty’s third lesson was about accepting each other’s imperfections. She described marriage as a process of give and take and stressed that there is no such thing as a perfect life or a perfect couple. Both partners come with their own strengths and weaknesses, she explained. Instead of expecting the other person to change completely, couples need to understand that each brings their own positives and negatives into the relationship. This acceptance, she suggested, can make it easier for couples to navigate differences without constantly measuring each other against an ideal.

Working husbands and household responsibilities

Sudha Murty’s final message was particularly focused on working couples and the division of household responsibilities. She urged men of the current generation to help their wives in the kitchen and share their workload at home. She pointed out the unrealistic expectation placed on many working women to return from their jobs and still manage cooking, parent-teacher meetings and other household responsibilities.

She questioned why a working wife should be expected to manage the home in the same way as a homemaker.

‘My mother was a great cook’ is not a fair comparison

Sudha Murty also addressed a common comparison made by husbands: praising their mothers as excellent cooks. She explained that mothers who were not working outside the home could devote much of their day to cooking and household responsibilities. A working wife, however, cannot reasonably be expected to follow the same routine after spending the day at work. Her message was that husbands need to understand the difference between the circumstances of their mothers and those of their working wives.