How bubblewrap's newer version may leave millions bereft of a comforting passtime

The announcement by the makers of bubblewrap that the newest version will not have those plastic pustules that go ‘pop’ anymore has the potential to cause mass consternation, even despair, especially in places where it had become the last resort for bored people. The very idea that the comforting pastime of squeezing countless transparent blisters – in rhythmic bursts or just randomly – would no longer be the much-anticipated fringe benefit of opening bubblewrapped items could leave millions with no option but to wander the streets vacantly in search for a meaning to their emptied lives. Some might even go so far as to accuse the company of trying to kill fun and deny a fundamental right.

Of course the company has clarified that the original wrapping will not be phased out, so future generations will not be denied the knowledge of this unique 20th century pastime. But the fact that the new flat variant – which will be inflated by users and immune to human thumb-and-forefinger pinches – reduces shipping and storage costs enormously portends ill for the pillowy original in the long run. However, while there can be no real alternative to the sheer tactile pleasure of popping rows of transparent plastic airballs, bereft poppers need to be reminded that virtual programmes are available, complete with authentic sounds and visuals.