Her memory faded, but his love never did: Ex-IRS officer still chooses his wife after 50 years, though she doesn’t recognise him

Stories of long marriages often talk about time passing, but not always about what happens when memory itself begins to fade. A recent post shared by Humans of Bombay brings forward one such account, where an ex-IRS officer writes about continuing to choose his wife every day, even as she no longer recognises him due to dementia. The story, told in simple words, looks back at decades of togetherness, loss, illness, and the small routines that still remain.

“It was the 70s. I still remember the first time I saw Moom, quietly sitting in our college orientation, wearing glasses. I didn’t know who she was, but something about her stayed with me,” he recalled.

Their first interaction came during student elections. “When I was contesting college elections, she asked me, ‘What will you do for the girls’ dorm?’ I nervously joked, ‘Girls with glasses will get special treatment.’ Everyone laughed… but I was only looking at her. For me, it was love at first sight.”


Despite coming from different backgrounds, their connection held. “She came from a well-to-do family, and I from a small village. Still, we kept finding our way back to each other.”

A promise before marriage

The path to marriage was not simple. He shared how she once told him to first build a stable life. “We knew marriage wouldn’t be easy, so one day she said, ‘Go make a name for yourself. If you come back, I’ll be here.’”

He held on to that. “I held onto that, cleared the UPSC, became an IRS officer, and in 1981, we got married.”

Their married life, as he described, was filled with both responsibility and heartbreak. “Life wasn’t easy. Our first child was born with cerebral palsy, and we learned everything as we went.”

Years later came a loss that changed everything. “Years later, we lost our second son at 17 to an accident… a loss that broke us completely. But we held on.”

With time, they found some balance again. “With time, we were blessed with a daughter and slowly, life felt a little lighter again.”

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Illness and changing realities

Health issues began to take over gradually. “But then her health began to change. It started with an ovarian tumor during her last pregnancy, then came a hysterectomy and throat cancer… and now, dementia.”

Even so, he looks back at what they built together. “When I look back, I hold on to the life we built in between it all.”

He described their everyday life in simple terms. “We found our own rhythm through the storms, taking care of our children, gardening, growing vegetables, even making tomato ketchup during COVID.”

Their home was filled with small, familiar habits. “She would bring home street dogs, and though I’d complain, I always ended up loving them the most. I had my chickens, she had her dogs and once, when they clashed, we had one of our biggest fights, silly of course.”

Choosing love, every day

Even disagreements didn’t last long. “We didn’t speak for days… but somehow, we always found our way back.”

Now, their days are quieter, sometimes uncertain. “Some days are still gentle, we sit by the fire with chai, just like always. And some days, she doesn’t recognize me.”

Yet, his routine hasn’t changed. “Still, I sit beside her, holding her hand, brushing her hair.”

He reflects on what remains after everything. “When you’ve lived a whole life together, how can an illness erase what you’ve built?”

That early promise still guides him. “That little promise of ‘special treatment’ never left me, it became the way I’ve loved her. I chose her 50 years ago… and I still do, every single day.”