Dr D's column: 'Friendly' is not a character trait of great dictators

Dear Dr D,
Let me first clarify that I have nothing against bears per se. Also that I am, though a Chinese, entirely blind to the creature’s racial attributes. I have no problem with the animal in any of its forms whether it be the aggressive American bear (Ursus Trumpus), the entertaining Indian bear (Ursus Modicus) and even the Polar bear (Ursus verycoldus).

We in China also have a bear-like creature, the Panda (very cuddlycus). And so, to repeat, I have nothing against the animal itself. But I draw the line when I am compared to Winnie-the-Pooh. All over this land, I am being referred to as Winnie-the-Pooh.


People use it without fear and I have been constrained to act. Why? That creature is described — by its creator! — as “naive, slow-witted and having no brain but friendly”. There you go.

How dare can this be said of the leader of 1.4 billion people under the thumb of the People’s Liberation Army? I take great offence to being called “friendly”. That attribute is not in the character of the great dictators.

What will my underlings think of me? Was Stalin friendly or Mao or Mussolini? Hardly. It’s bringing my name into disrepute. And so I have decided to BAN and FORBID the depiction, characterisation, sketching, outlining, illustrating, portraying or in any other manner representing Winnie the Pooh across the Middle Kingdom.

Will I let myself become the object of ridicule among those who serve me? ‘Friendly’? No! No! No!

- Xi, Forbidden City

Dear Mr Xi,

I don’t think your people mean the word... oh never mind.

(The author is one of the leading doctors in the country. He values his privacy, but not of his clients.)

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