Dr D's column: A masterclass on sledging would work for the coach's job

Dear Dr D,

I having every qualification for job of Team Coch. I was full experienced for too many year, I was bestman as batsman, I was winner. I can guide players to success in all fields, including in new areas. Cola, undies, insurance, motorcar they are already getting easy-easy. I can help get endarsemen for hair weave also. In fact, I can help extra by getting team to tear its hair out. I can tich new words for slejing that Australia to kya Pakistan ka baap bhi nahin samajh payega. Super super bad words from Haryana.

But for that I have to be Team Coch. You think I wanted this job badly? No, no. I was sitting at home happy. They only said ‘you apply apply’. Toh phir kya hua jee? Main to aapke paas nahinaaya tha. Aap mere paas aye the.

I gave interview and written test. They not making me Team Coch. Only reason I did not get job is — meri koi setting nahi thi.I should have done some of that before. Only mistake I made. No?

Veeru, No-job-garh

Dear Veeru,

I don’t know what your question is. But I gather that you were overlooked for some job because you couldn’t clear an interview. It happens to all of us. To assume that an invitation to apply assures you of the job is a uniquely Indian misconception. It’s a process. I would like to hear the Haryanvi sledging words though. Could you send those separately?

Dr D is one of the leading doctors in the country. He values his privacy - but not of his clients.)

STATUTORY WARNING: This humour column is not for the weak-kneed or the thin-skinned.