Dr. D: Sticky wicket in Australia

Dear Dr D

What a disaster, man. What injustice. You know we’re on a tough tour in Australia getting pounded by their quicks. And losing. Then the media raised the issue of WAGs. Were they a distraction? Should they be allowed to stay with players? Deliberating such momentous things, the BCCI did the wrong thing, Doc. The idiots in the board have succumbed.

They allowed the WAGs to join us. And to pile on the misery. Those who are married signed up for their fate and have no excuse. But those of us with girlfriends? What’s our crime?

So Anushka is coming over and you know what that means. More stories about SRK and KJo. Heaven save us. How she deserved the award for Band Baaja Baaraat. Which reviewers are in the other camp. Why Katrina is really bitching about the Kapoors. Which shade really suits her complexion. And so on. And on. She’s a fine girl, Doc, don’t get me wrong and excellent company in the right setting. But boy, does she talk.

I was hoping to get some time to focus on batting, but there is zero chance of that happening with this feminine catastrophe descending on the entire team. What can be done to rescue this situation, Doc?

yours, V Kohli

Dear Virat

I understand she has been allowed into your hotel but not your room. Our concern should be how to get you to avoid the love of your life while being in the same building. I do not know. No man does. But let me share someone else’s experience on a similar subject. I am told this is a true story about love, sex and cricket priorities. Sir Geoffrey Boycott was once approached during a test match by a comely girl. “Come to my room tonight”, Sir Geoff said, and the young woman shyly agreed and began to leave. Then Sir Geoff remembered and said “No, come tomorrow night. I’m batting in the morning”.