Dr D.'s column: Are pop stars 'just in' making those demands?

From private choppers to Z plus security, the list can be endless.

Dr D.'s column: Are pop stars 'just in' making those demands?
Dear Dr D,

I’m in India very soon (but of course you know!). Is this list of things I have sent my minions complete? Thanks!

.. Rolls Royce (1, yellow with green stripes. And one spare)

.. Z plus security (but ‘Black Cats’ uniform to be substituted with Pink Cats)

.. Full-length mirrors along the entire route so my fans can see me and see my reflection

.. Jacuzzi (with two babes in them)
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.. 9-Star hotel suite with Mogul paintings and vegan upholstery (with best views of your cities)

....Some purple things

.. Special Indian yoga casket containing aromatic essential oils like jasmine, mogra, rose and camphor incense sticks, and books on chakras and yoga asanas in the suite. Licensed female masseuse flown in from Kerala

.. Nobody else in the hotel
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.. Private jet (1) and private chopper (2)

.. ‘Vada pao’ (not sure what it is, but I want)
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.. Two taste-testers (Plus one spare)

.. Cans of wildberries and vanilla room fresheners, body wash and hydrating lip balms. Silverware cutlery, fresh flowers, scented candles, coconut water, almond milk, strawberry and vanilla protein powder, raw organic honey, decaffeinated herbal teas, fresh fruit and vegetable platters.

Just Askin’, NY

Dear Just Askin’,

Impressive list.

However, this is India. It doesn’t matter how well you plan, at some point ‘India’ will happen and you will have to adjust. I suggest you unclench those buttock cheeks and relax. India is to be discovered. And experienced on its own terms, so tear up your list and don’t replicate. Some of India will disgust and dismay you, some will delight you. Open up and let it in. And enjoy your stay.

STATUTORY WARNING: This humour column is not for the weak-kneed or the thin-skinned.
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