Anger management: Dr D has some advice for Virat Kohli

Dear Dr D,
I don’t have anger management issues, okay? Is that clear? If you think I do, then just shut up. S-H-U-T. U-P. Good.

Now that we are clear, what is this nonsense about bad behaviour “contrary to the spirit of the game” that I have been fined for? Firstly, which spirit of the game are we referring to specifically? I don’t have any spirit listed in my current endorsement contracts. Other things are there for sure. But definitely no spirit.

Secondly, what exactly is it that I am being accused of? I felt the ball was not in a proper condition and asked it be replaced. This was denied. The umpires are upset I “threw the ball into the ground in an aggressive manner”. Yes. I did. So? How else is ViKo expected to throw the ball into the ground


I am an aggressive player, Doc. The world knows this. Killer instinct is something to be displayed at all times. That’s what I said to A on our honeymoon. She agreed at first. Anyway, where were we? Wait! You don’t say a thing. Let me finish.

Then thirdly, there is the bit about bad behaviour — my snapping at journalists after the loss. Why were they asking silly questions like, “Why do you only win at home?” What concern is it of theirs who wins at home, me or A?


How can I make all this go away? Tell me.

ViKo, Jo’burg

Dear ViKo,

Problems are things our skippers face only in defeat. I suggest you win a test or two abroad. The rest — the angry ball-throwing, the accusations of too much time doing endorsements, the sneering reporters — will go away automatically.