Chew on this: Don’t pan a masala bond

When a Hollywood star gets panned for a masala debut, it is time to consider how far a bond can be stretched. Although Jamesbhai has swapped all the cool gadgets that Q routinely lines up — usually cunningly hidden in luxury pens, watches and cars — for a rather unprepossessing but deadly tin can that purportedly contains only "betel nut, lime, catechu, cardamom seeds, sandalwood oil, and kewra" (according to its maker), the ad for pan masala does seem to assert that armed only with it, a certain ex-007 still has a Licence to Kill. Indeed, the can certainly has a preternatural — some may call it uncanny — ability to flatten all those who come into contact with it, before whizzing back to its master, who appears to be Pierce Brosnan channelling his inner Sean Connery via a beard and raspy burr.

Whether M, Moneypenny and the rest of the gang up at MI6 headquarters are shaken or stirred by Bond’s newest obsession — as vodka martinis just don’t do it for him any more — remains unclear. However, as the spy series is in the jaws of a dilemma over who will take on the role next, especially as a re-interested Daniel Craig has proved the veracity of Never Say Never Again, a masala Bond could pan out pretty well. Perhaps even Q could be persuaded to place the deadly can in the next movie as a seemingly innocuous lethal weapon.