Cabin fever from coronavirus? Divert yourself with erotic hypnosis
Science has a new cure for those who’ve washed their disinfectant marinated hands of pleasure.
By ET Bureau |
iStock
Discover the joy of hands-free pleasure.
Millions of people the world over have hunkered down at home to mitigate the spread of the coronavirus. Cabin fever is on the rise. And for those who’ve washed their disinfectant marinated hands of pleasure — for the time being — science has a new cure: Erotic hypnosis.
Imagine you’re lying in bed, fully clothed. Your eyes are shut. Nestled against the pillow is your phone. A YouTube video is playing. A series of geometric shapes waltz across the screen, while bursts of electronic sounds punctuate the static. Your heartbeat quickens. A shrill voice informs you through the earphones — with academic certainty — that you are going to have an orgasm.
You wait expectantly for the hands-free orgasm. The voice takes charge of your hormones, guiding you to the point of sexual release without touching yourself or being touched.
Erotic hypnosis puts users into a trance for the purpose of sexual pleasure. “Orgasm is generated in the brain, so if you could get your brain to that place then there’s no reason why it couldn’t happen. But some people are more open to that than others,” says Colin Richard, a sex therapist who runs the website Intimacy Matters.
Unlike audio porn, which invariably makes one use their hands, erotic hypnosis achieves the same end by putting users into a trance for the purpose of sexual pleasure. However, unlike other forms of hypnotism, it is possible to walk away from sexual encounters of the metaphysical kind by merely pausing the YouTube video.
“Hands-free orgasm is like nothing I’d ever experienced before. My first hypno-orgasm was insane, I was genuinely in shock for hours at the intensity of it. I have since learned to orgasm pretty much on command,” a satisfied user commented.
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Finding Love Online Can Be A Cakewalk, Just Avoid These Seven Mistakes
1/8
Everything in this world has become digital now. You can even find love by just one swipe of your finger. But some restrictions imposed by photo and character limits leave some of us at a bit of a loose end.
According to The Independent, two Reddit users asked men and women to list the red flags they've seen on dating profiles.
These are the seven mistakes people make while writing about themselves in a dating app bio:
Everything in this world has become digital now. You can even find love by just one swipe of your finger. But some restrictions imposed by photo and character limits leave some of us at a bit of a lo..
Read More
The Blank Profile
You've already gone to the effort of creating a profile, typing your name and age, maybe you even uploaded one pic. What else do they need?
The Blank Profile
You've already gone to the effort of creating a profile, typing your name and age, maybe you even uploaded one pic. What else do they need?
Bathroom Selfies
Firstly, that flash is obscuring the torso/chest/face you're obviously desperate to show off. Secondly, you're clearly a bit of a narcissist/you don't get out much, hence the bathroom. Thirdly, don't think we can't see that there's a toilet in the background.
Bathroom Selfies
Firstly, that flash is obscuring the torso/chest/face you're obviously desperate to show off. Secondly, you're clearly a bit of a narcissist/you don't get out much, hence the bathro..
Read More
Height
Short of stating your shoe size and your contact lens prescription, writing your height in your bio essentially translates to the following "I'm not interesting, I'm not witty, but I sure am tall".
Height
Short of stating your shoe size and your contact lens prescription, writing your height in your bio essentially translates to the following "I'm not interesting, I'm not witty, but I sure am ..
Read More
The group profile picture
Not only is this confusing as we have no idea who you are, but it immediately leads us to believe that you are the least attractive person in the photograph. Not a good start. Either bag yourself some beastly friends or play it safe with a solo pic.
The group profile picture
Not only is this confusing as we have no idea who you are, but it immediately leads us to believe that you are the least attractive person in the photograph. Not a good sta..
Read More
Dog/child photos
You're asking for trouble with either. Whilst the former will only bring immense disappointment when paired with "not my dog" in your bio, the latter is bound to catalyse commit issues in even the broodiest of broods. Expect an apocalypse if your photo includes both.
Dog/child photos
You're asking for trouble with either. Whilst the former will only bring immense disappointment when paired with "not my dog" in your bio, the latter is bound to catalyse commit iss..
Read More
Using emojis in the place of words
We get it, you like beer/wine/avocados and sometimes you smile/wear sunglasses/dance like a sassy girl in a red dress. It might be 2017 but the language of love is still a lexical art. Say it, don't emoji it.
Using emojis in the place of words
We get it, you like beer/wine/avocados and sometimes you smile/wear sunglasses/dance like a sassy girl in a red dress. It might be 2017 but the language of love is..
Read More
And finally
Remember, no one is everyone's "type on paper". You're looking for someone who "ticks all the boxes" but doesn't give you "the ick". You want to show that you're good at "grafting" but don't be "muggy" about it. You're ready to put all your "eggs in one basket" and are gagging to "crack on" but terrified of being "pied", so you're "pranging out".
And finally
Remember, no one is everyone's "type on paper". You're looking for someone who "ticks all the boxes" but doesn't give you "the ick". You want to show that you're good at "grafting" but d..
