Boyfriend-girlfriend struggles with different views on saving money months before wedding. Should finances be separate or combined?

Planning a wedding can be stressful enough, but money issues often make the process even tougher. A recent Reddit post highlighted the challenges a couple faced as they prepared for their upcoming wedding, showing how differing views on finances can create tension even in long-term relationships. The post, shared by a 30-year-old man, revealed that he and his 27-year-old girlfriend, together for three years, were struggling to align their financial priorities despite mutual love and commitment.

The man earns 1.2 lakh per month and spends about 35,000, while his girlfriend earns 50,000 and has monthly expenses around 45,000. He comes from a middle-class background and had to work low-paying jobs for years, which left him with little savings early on. In contrast, his girlfriend comes from a wealthy business family and is the only child. Their different experiences with money have made discussions about saving particularly tricky.

Donation vs. Saving: The Core Conflict

The heart of the conflict lies in how the girlfriend handles her income. She donates 5,000 of her salary to NGOs every month and intends to continue doing so. She said she might start investing 1–2,000 monthly but wants the majority of her earnings to go toward charitable donations.


The man explained, “My belief is that we are not there yet where we can afford to donate such amount instead of saving it. I understand she has a good vision and wants to help everyone but I really want us to help ourselves first. When we have a sufficient fund in saving/invested then we can possibly start donating 5–10k a month but not right now.” Despite his willingness to contribute, he wants her support in saving for future goals, which has led to frequent heated discussions.

Reddit Users Share Their Thoughts

Reddit users weighed in with a mix of perspectives. Many pointed out that her privileged background might shape her financial approach, noting that she may feel less urgency to save since she expects to inherit her parents’ assets.

One female commenter said, “This means she thinks she don’t need to save as all her parent’s assets will be passed down to her…which is why the 5k she saves from her salary she donates.” Others emphasized that differing money values could strain relationships over time. One user explained that money mindsets are crucial, and suggested that the couple have an honest conversation about financial goals, with clear expectations on what to keep separate and what to combine.


Some shared personal experiences, describing how living together temporarily helped them understand financial compatibility, while others noted that couples often face resentment if one partner’s spending habits don’t align with the other’s. One comment highlighted the simplicity of managing shared expenses: both could run the household with their combined incomes while saving separately. Another emphasized that financial incompatibility is a major reason modern marriages fail, pointing out that recognizing the issue early is better than dealing with it after marriage.

The original poster clarified that a breakup was not an option and he hoped to reach a compromise. He mentioned that he suggested she save at least 10% of her income while spending the rest as she prefers, but she has resisted. Some commenters recommended letting her manage her own funds while he continues planning his savings, but most agreed that open conversations and mutual understanding of financial goals are essential before marriage.