A spectre of Wi-Fi is haunting the graveyards of Russia

There was always something ethereal about the world wide web. But catch the Russians to get their dead connected to the corporeal pleasures of Wi-Fi. Moscow authorities, as a part of their plan — the word ‘cunning’ never failing to describe any plan that comes from the mandarins of Moscow — to bring Wi-Fi to public spaces, have announced that the spectre of wireless will haunt the three main Vagankovskoye, Troyekurovskoye and Novodevichy cemeteries from next year. Time to get out those vvv.odkas!

Free internet, the announcement insists, will make for “more convenient and educational” visits to cemeteries. It’s still unclear whether the Russians have actually hacked into the remains of great writers like Mikhail Bulgakov and Nikolai Gogol who lie buried at the Novodevichy. It is also unclear whether Sergei Prokofiev fans will be able to stream their hero’s music, especially his Peter and the Wolf, directly into the composer’s compost.

But if the Wi-Fi revolution does take off in Moscow, we insist it be replicated at Varanasi’s Manikarnika ghat. We know it’s not a leafy, quiet hotspot, but a place hosting some 200 cremations a day. But we do think it will work — once we have genuine 4G connectivity. And not the pale ghost which that spook of a girl on TV insists is superspeed data transfer passing through walls.