The foreigner's gush that turns us mush

Every few weeks, there's a foreign visitor dropping by in India usually on business, or invited. He or she squints at the heat, takes in the traffic, has a roadside chai while posing with the chaiwala who goes hashtag crazy... after which he or she promptly declares: 'India is the future.' Or, 'India's time has come.' Or the even-less-earth-shattering, 'India is an oasis of stability in a global sea of chaos,' which is meant to sound vaguely Upanishadic (but is not). Cue to national euphoria. Headlines - 'India's the Next Big Thing: Sam Humpty' and variations thereof - erupt like post-banquet belches. And a veritable scrum ensues on how to replicate that headline in as many hyperbole, baby, bol ways.

There's a simple algorithm: the visiting VIP marvels at our 'demographic dividend', praises our 'digital transformation', and throws in that nugget about 'India's vibrant democracy'. Then they hop back to where they put their money and mouth in. What they leave behind is a trail of selfies, out-of-season Valentine Day promises, and a nation collectively swooning like it's just been told it's the prettiest girl at the global prom. Gush and gosh ensue. Aunties in Noida quote Satya Nadella like scripture. RWA uncles start talking about defence collaborations with Safran as if it's the latest Saffola product for their hearts. Everyone's so happy.